started with a lie ➳ raura revised

Chapter Thirty-Eight

The sky is a mixture of pink, blue, and purple when I get home. I thank Cody, who had given me a ride, and watch him speed off. Then, I turn around and walk into the front yard instead of going directly in my house. I take a seat down under the small tree that's always been on the front lawn. The grass tickles the backs of my legs but I don't move away. I just sit. And think.

What the hell am I doing?

Why am I not with Ross right now?

Why am I not chasing after him, fighting for him? For us?

I rest my back against the trunk of the tree and breathe in and out slowly. I've been trying not to cry all day. After standing for a whole twenty minutes after Ross had left, I finally snapped out of it and ran out of the burger shack. Only, I realized that Ross and I had come in his car and that even if I wanted to chase after him, I couldn't. Still, even after I dragged myself back inside and smiled politely and nodded at everyone that talked to me, I was using all my strength to rein in my tears, scolding myself that if I let myself cry, it would be my own damn fault.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid," I mutter. I should've told him the day I knew. Why why why did I think it was a good idea to hold it in until absolutely necessary? He will never talk to me again.

I bring my knees up and put my head down on it, using my arms as a shield from the world. Tracy is definitely telling him right now that she's pregnant. Definitely. And then Ross will play the hero and go to her distress, whether the baby is his or not.

I'll never get to see him again. I won't get to hear his smooth laughs at his own bad jokes. I won't get to see his stupid, cute head tilts. I won't get to feel his rough fingers gently hold me. I won't get to kiss him whenever I feel like it. I won't get to randomly run away with him anymore, to go on secret adventures together to weird gas stations in the middle of nowhere and cliffs that look over beautiful cities. I won't get to picnic with him on the roof of a car. I won't get to fall asleep with him or wake up with him. I won't ever get to hear him whisper sweet things into my ear or hear him softly sing songs that make my heart swell with utter happiness.

I'll miss all the bad too. Our heated arguments over nothing. Our really bad dancing and timing. His attitude. My smart mouth. His bipolar personality. My overdramatic reactions. His ignorance to the value of money. My problem with his world. But we always work it out.

We. I think I'll miss saying that most.

I hear squeaking and shoot up, fearing that a random rat is on my foot or something. In reality, it's just a squirrel several feet away, holding acorns in its mouth. The squirrel is big, bigger than most, and stares intently at me with its black, beady eyes. I try not to look freaked out.

"Hey there...um...cool acorns," I say. And then I hit my forehead with my hand. Why am I talking to a damn squirrel?

Surprisingly, he/she squeaks back or makes some weird noise that's supposed to be a response. It understands me!

The squirrel suddenly runs away up the tree I'm sitting upon. I watch it as it climbs up and stops at a branch. It drops one of his/her's acorn near my feet and before I can touch it to throw it back up to the squirrel, the fat squirrel is already running back down and retrieving it before I can.

"Wow, okay," I say, scoffing as it runs o again back into the tree. I watch it for a couple more minutes before realizing what just happened. "Oh my god! Thank you so much, squirrel!" I jump to my feet and the squirrel flinches before scurrying o into its home. "Thanks so much!"

Immediately, I am speed walking to my own car in the driveway. That squirrel has taught me a lesson. The acorn (Ross) had fallen away from the fat squirrel (me) and before anyone else could take it (Tracy, the universe, etc.), the squirrel had ran and fought for what was his or hers without any hesitation.