Chapter 1

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I awoke to the sun shining into my room. This couldn't have been right I had thought to myself. Sleep had become my best friend. I never drew the curtains in my bedroom anymore. No more bright mornings for me. I'd sleep all day and stay up all night.
But this morning something wasn't right. Who had opened the curtains? I sat up blinking at the blinding light and looked around. Something definitely wasn't right. There were no clothes strewn about, no empty pizza boxes or food containers on the floor or dressers. No half eaten sandwiches on the night stand, no papers and empty beer bottles strewn about.
It looked like it did before -
I shook my head and rubbed my face in disbelief, trying to make sense of this. My face had a light stubble on it indicating I had shaved recently but that wasn't right. I hadn't shaved in months.
Was it possible that the same person who cleaned my room also took a razor to my face without my knowing?
Then I heard the bathroom door open and soft footsteps enter the room.
"Oh good, you're awake!" I heard her voice say and my eyes shot toward her.
It wasn't possible, I thought choking back a sob.
Kaylee looked at me strangely before sprinting her way over to the bed.
"I was wondering how long you were going to sleep!" she said climbing next to me. "I thought I was going to miss you before my flight."
That's when it dawned on me. I was dreaming. This wasn't the first time I'd had this dream of this day.
I immediately wrapped my arms around her and pulled her close to me. I put my face in her hair and inhaled deeply. The way she smelled was a memory I was certain to never forget.
She giggled, "You're awfully clingy today. You sure you won't change your mind and come with me?"
"I can't," I choked out, repeating what I had said to her on that actual day. "I have to be in the studio tomorrow."
"I know," she sighed. "I'm just going to miss you."
"I'm going to miss you, too," I said.
She kissed me, "I have a little time before I have to go to the airport, maybe a quicky before I leave?"
Wait, this isn't what had happened. I wasn't sure how to respond. Before, I had just held her until she had to leave. I had never been able to change the events that had happened, just relive them.
"C-can we?" I stammered shakily.
She grinned at me suggestively before kissing my lips, "It's the only proper way to say goodbye, don't ya think?"
I nodded and kissed her fervently. Oh how I had missed this.I don't think I could have been more gentle with her if I had tried. I touched and traced every inch, every line of her body. If this was a dream i prayed no one would wake me.
It all felt so real. Her touch, her voice, the warmth of her skin against mine, the smell of her hair.
"If I have to wake up," I thought. "Please let me wake up to her next to me."
After Kaylee's car accident, I had been a wreck. I hadn't worked in months. My friends and family couldn't reach me and most had given up trying. I'd sleep all day and drink away her memory all night.
I could still remember how it felt when I got the call.
FLASHBACK
I grunted and tried to bury my face back into my pillow as my phone continued buzzing on the night stand.
I glanced at the clock, Kaylee had only left for the airport an hour ago. There was no way she had landed in Florida already.
For a moment, I felt a pang of regret for not going with her. This had been her third trip home since moving out here and I still hadn't been able to make the trip back with her. I was working so much, between preparing for the release of our new album and preparing for the next tour, I just couldn't take time off yet.
The phone kept on buzzing. I propped myself up on my elbows and grabbed it.
"Sorry Kayl," I said when I saw it was her number. She had probably forgotten something and was hoping I could send it express mail to her moms. "I went back to sleep after -"
"Mr. Hanson?" a voice that definitely wasn't Kaylee's said on the other end.
"Yeah, who is this?" I asked, confused.
My heart stopped when I heard the noises in the background. Beeps and shouting. I had heard noises like those before. Hospital noises. Emergency room noises.
"This is Officer John Michaels," the voice said. "Do you know an Kaylee Turner?"
"Yes," I said, jumping out of bed and already getting dressed. "She's my fiancé."
"We found her phone on her persons," he continued. "She's been in a car accident. You are listed as her emergency contact on her phone."
"Oh God!" I cried nearly dropping my phone. "Is she okay?"
"They're about to take her into surgery," he said. "She was asking for you. The doctors said they'll be taking her down to the OR soon."
"I'll be there in five," I said heading toward the door keys in hand.
I don't know how I made it but five minutes later I was at her bedside, gripping her hand. Her eyes opened and despite the tubes shoved down her throat and the bandages covering her face, she managed to smile. Weakly, she squeezed my hand.
"I love you, baby," I whispered leaning down to kiss her temple.
The look she gave me was enough to reassure me that she was going to be okay and as they came in to rush her to the OR, I felt relieved she was alive and safe.
Only she wasn't safe. Something went wrong. They couldn't stop the bleeding. Everything they had done to try to save her wasn't enough.
And three days later, I made the trip to Florida I hadn't been able to make with  her before because I was too busy; to join her family as they buried her.

Kaylee was frantically getting dressed and darting around doing last minute packing.
"You sure you can't come?" she asked, still trying to talk me into going.
I smiled at the sight of her hopping around on one foot, with pants tangled and refusing to be pulled up.
"Babe, you know I can't," the same words I told her that day pouring from my lips. And I hated it.
"I know," she scowled finally getting her jeans pulled up and buttoned. "I guess I can forgive you AGAIN, but you owe me mister."
"I know," I smirked. "I promise next time, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she said with laughter in her voice. She leaned down and kissed me. "I love you."
"I love you, too," I said. "Call me when you land and have a good trip."
But she wouldn't and I knew she wouldn't.
Her lips suddenly curled into a devilish smirk and she rushed over to me jumping into my arms straddling my lap. She ran her hands over my bare chest.
"It would be an even better trip if you came with me," she said, suggestively. "Think of the fun we could have on the airplane?"
I felt the same temptation as I did the original day to say screw it and go with her, but I wrapped my arms around the small of her back and covered her mouth with a hard kiss.
"I wish I could," I said when our lips parted.
She groaned and pushed herself away before glancing at the clock.
"Fuck," she said. "I have to go or I'm going to miss my flight."
"Don't go," I suddenly croaked out. "Just stay."
"Tay," she said smiling. "You know it's my godsons birthday! I promised I'd be there!"
"I know," I said. "But there will be other birthdays."
She rushed back over to me and hugged me, "I'm going to miss you, too. I'll tell you what I'll come home a day earlier, okay?"
I didn't answer, just nodded and swallowed hard.
She kissed me again before grabbing her suitcase and heading toward the door, "I'll call you as soon as I land. I love you. And if you miss me too much, I'll know and I will visit you in your dreams!"
"I love you, too," I said, my voice cracking. I fell back onto the bed and closed my eyes as she closed the door.

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