With You In Your Dreams

Chapter 5

I opened my eyes and I was still on the couch, a half empty bottle of now warm beer still clutched in my hand.
I sighed and shook my head, trying to make sense of this. Why did I keep having these dreams? What did they mean?
I could tell by the daylight that it was around noon.
I went into the bathroom and splashed water on my face. This was the second day in a row I was up before sunset. I didn't really know what to do with myself.
I went and checked my phone and saw there was a text from Zac.
"Hey dude," it read. "I know you're probably sleeping but Ike and I are having a jam session, you should come hang out with us today at the studio. It'd do you some good."
I stared off into space for a minute. What were the chances that he'd text me that today? After that dream I had had? I looked over at a picture of Kaylee and swallowed.
"What are you trying to tell me?" I said to it.
"It's not too late," her words from my dream rang in my head.
I shook my head. It was just a coincidence. They were probably just feeling guilty about the other night.
I glanced back at the text from Zac and replied, "Hey that doesn't sound like a bad idea. I'll be up there in about an hour?"
"Awesome!" He texted back. "We'll see you up there!"
I took a deep breath before getting in the shower.
When I got to the studio I realized how much I actually missed being at the studio. I hung out with my brothers most of the day and saw several work acquaintances that I hadn't seen in over six months. Sitting behind the keyboard again felt strange and yet somehow therapeutic. We tinkered away for a few hours, just playing songs and even playing around with a new song.
"This would be a good song to record," Zac said nonchalantly. "Maybe for an LP?"
"I agree," Ike said.
"I don't know," I said, shaking my head. "I'm not -"
"We don't have to commit to it," Ike spoke up, trying to hide his excitement. "Just get it recorded and we can tweak it and decide what to do with it later, if we do anything with it."
I stared off for a few seconds, not sure what to do. Did I really have the motivation to get back involved in music again? Did I even want to do this again?
Her voice was in my head again, "I would hate it if you lost your passion because of me."
"Well?" Zac asked.
I looked down at my keyboard, tickled a few of the keys, then glanced back up at him.
"Alright," I sighed after a minute. "I guess it couldn't hurt."
A small smile formed on both my brother's lips.
"Awesome!" Ike said.
"That's what I'm talking about!" Zac exclaimed.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," I sighed. "Let's do this."
We spent the next several hours working on and recording that one song. I admit I got lost in the process and it was just like riding a bike. For those few hours, I didn't think about anything but what we were doing.
I forgot everything else but the music. When we called it a night, I was looking forward to going home and seeing Kaylee, but then it hit me again. I wouldn't be able to see her. She wasn't there. The little bit of happiness I had found, quickly faded. I frowned at this realization.
"You should come back tomorrow?" Ike offered, hopefully.
"Dude, I don't know," I rubbed the back of my neck, nervously. "I'm still not sure if my head is in the right place for any of this."
"Well, just think about it," he nodded. "We'll be here tomorrow."
"Why?" I asked, curiously.
"We're here everyday," Zac shrugged. "Still working. Business as usual, the world keeps spinning."
"Yeah," I scoffed. "I guess my world is the only one that stopped."
He looked down, guilt washing over his face.
"Just consider it," Ike piped in, trying to save Zac.
I nodded and told him I would then said my goodbyes and headed home.
When I got home, my text alert was going off.
I checked it and saw I had two texts from my sister Zoe.
"Is it true?" the first one read
"Did you get back in the studio today?" The second one read.
I texted her back, "Yeah, how did you know?"
She texted me back with a screencap of a picture Zac had tweeted of me recording with a caption that read, "Look who's in the studio today for a jam session! -Z"
Then I texted Zoe back, "Yeah we worked on one song. No big deal. They want me to come back tomorrow."
"You should," she replied. Then quickly sent another one. "But it's good either way that you're even considering it."
"Yeah," I answered. "I don't know if I'm ready to go back to work but it was nice to feel a part of something again."
"I bet," she texted. "I'm happy for you either way. You look better than you have in a while. What's changed?"
My dead fiancé is visiting me in my dreams, I thought with a bitter laugh.
"Just been doing a lot of thinking lately I guess," I replied.
"Well, keep thinking the thoughts that are helping! It's doing you good!"
"I'll try," I answered, and tossed my phone on the couch. I didn't feel like talking to anyone else. I went into the kitchen and opened the fridge, I only had two beers left.
"Fuck," I grumbled and grabbed my keys and my phone to head back out to the store.
When I got back home, I sat on the back patio with a beer. It was a gorgeous fall night. Fall was Kaylee's favorite time of year.
I pulled out my phone, curiosity getting the better of me and opened Twitter.
I skimmed through the responses to Zac's tweet about me being in the studio. Most of them were respectful and kind of sweet.
"Is this what I think it means?"
"Oh Tay! We've missed you!"
"Taylor!!"
"He's back!!! How has he been?"
"It's about damn time!"
"Omg! Is Tay back?"
"I love you guys! Seems like Taylor is doing better!"
"Does this mean you'll be touring soon to make up for cancelling?"
"Bout time! He's better off now that that witch is dead. Now go on tour!"
"How dare you?" I started to tweet back. "I loved her. There will be no tour you ungrateful-"
I stopped myself and quickly deleted it. I sighed, and exited out of the app, knowing it wasn't worth it. People were going to think what they wanted anyway. They didn't know her and they'd never get to know her now either.
I tossed my phone onto the table and leaned back in the chaise lounge, staring up at the stars. Kaylee would've loved a night like tonight.
"You see there?" I heard her voice say and my head jerked over towards the chaise lounge next to me.
There she was sitting in her pajamas, wrapped up in a fleece blanket, pointing out something in the sky.

"What?"

"There, silly," she giggled, rolling her eyes. "If you looked at what I was pointing to and not at me you might actually see it."

I slowly turned my head up towards the spot in the sky she was gesturing to.

"I don't see anything."

"Right there!" She shoved her finger toward the sky again. All I saw were stars.

I shrugged, "I don't see anything, babe."

"Ugh!" she grumbled and flung the blanket off of her coming to my side. She held my head in the direction she was referring to then grabbed my hand. "Right here."
She took my hand and extended my index finger, tracing the constellation she was seeing.

"Which one is it?" I asked, the shape finally popping out at me.

"It's Phoenix," she smirked.

"The bird?"

"No, Joaquin," she replied sarcastically, rolling her eyes. "Yes, the bird."

"Consumed by fire and reborn from the flames," I repeated the old legend of the bird.

"Fitting," she said softly.

My eyes fluttered open, I was still laying on the chaise lounge. I glanced over at the empty seat next to me. No blanket, no blue pajamas, no Kaylee.

I sighed. I must've dozed off looking at the stars.

I glanced back upwards and the Phoenix constellation immediately popped out at me. I knew I would never not be able to see it again.

"What the hell are you trying to do to me Kayl?" I grumbled, rubbing my hands over my face. I stood up, grabbed my beer and my phone and went back into the house