Soft Whispers (Princeton love story)

Chapter Six

::Jacob's P.O.V::

I'm getting bad again.

I sat uncomfortably at my desk, the long sleeves of my shirt were pulled all the way down, so far down that they were covering my hands a bit. Ever since the stupid card incident I've been thinking about my dad more and more and how he left my mom and I behind.

When he first left it drove me to do some real serious things, that now that I think about were really stupid. I'll always be reminded of my decisions because if I look at my wrists and thighs I can still see the faint scars.

I didn't really know how to control my feelings back then, I didn't like keeping them trapped inside and I couldn't tell my mom any of my thoughts, so one day I just picked up a pencil sharpener. At first I didn't have the intention of taking it apart but it soon led to that. Now when I see a pencil sharpener, I see two good blades and two useless screws.

I'm trying my best not to relapse. I haven't cut for a long time, three or four months maybe? Yeah, that sounds about right. I know the consequences of relapsing. If a person were to see my cuts and actually cared to ask me about them, I'd have to think of quick lie, like the cat did it or somethin like that. 

"Jacob" the sound of my name broke me away from my thoughts, I quickly looked up and saw Jazmyne standing there. "Are you going to head out? The class was dismissed five minutes ago" she informed, "oh" I mumbled.

I stood up and picked up my book and placed it in my bag, "um... Thanks for not just letting me sit there" I said to Jazmyne as we walked out of the classroom and down the hall. "What are friends for?" She said simply, I rubbed my arm lightly but didn't say anything.

"Which class do you have now?" Jazmyne asked curiously, I shook my head "I don't have one, it's my free period now". "Oh, well I should probably get going, I've got history and it's all the way on south hall, see you at lunch?" She asked, I nodded "yeah, see'ya". 

I watched as she turned the corner and disappeared from my sight. I walked to the office and when I got there the lady at the desk asked me: "why aren't you in class?" "Um, it's my free period right now.... I don't technically have a class right now" I answered lightly.

"Oh, okay, as long as you're not skipping class" I nodded a little "yeah, I um came to see the guidance counselor" "go ahead, I'm pretty sure she's down in her office".

The way the school was set up there was a hallway that led to the principal's office, the vice principal's office, the guidance counselor's office, etc yeah you get the point.

The guidance counselor's name is Mrs. Parks. I've been to her a couple of times before so when I walked into her office she just smiled. I closed the door behind me before I took a seat in front of her desk.

"What brings you here?" She asked lightly, I sighed "I'm getting bad again". "Why do you say that?" I lifted up my shirt sleeves "my scars are starting to become less noticeable, and I don't know what to do" I pulled my sleeves down.

"People keep talking about me and it's really pushing me to the edge right now, and at home life isn't so good; we barely have any money to pay this month's bills" I explained. "What're people saying about you?" "That I'm a freak cause I 'talk to myself' but I don't talk to myself, that's not it, I'm talking to the voices that are inside of my head that no matter how much I try, they will not go away".

I slumped down in the chair, "they're assuming I'm gay, which makes no sense to me.... What does it matter if I'm gay? I mean I'm not, but still.... It hurts". 

>>*<<

I opened the door and bumped into someone. "Sorry" I apologized, "it's okay" I looked up and saw Bria "what're you doing here?" We both asked each other, I laughed a little "um.... I just came to say a quick hello to Mrs. Parks" I lied, I didn't want her to know the real reason why I came down to see Ms. Parks.