"Safe..."

Chapter Four

Two months after the conversation I had with Matt and I haven't done anything to get better. I stopped starving myself, but it doesn't mean anything since I just eat and then force it back up. So no difference. I've been avoiding Matt at school. I'm too scared he'll notice nothing's changed and that he'll be disappointed in me and stop wanting to be my friend. I've added about fifty more cuts to my body. Nothing's changed.

"Josh!" Matt yelled across the hall. I ignored him and pulled my math book out of my locker. A hand slammed it shut.

"Stop fucking ignoring me." He said. I sighed and looked at him.

"What the hell happened to you? You look like shit."

"Thanks for the self esteem boost."

"Shut it. What happened? Your eyes are all bloodshot and you look really tired and you haven't done shit to get better have you?"

"Matt, fuck off."

"Answer me."

"Fuck. Off."

"Answer the damn question."

"No! Okay?! I haven't done anything! I'm still the same depressed, imsomniac, bulimic, heroin addict I was two months ago. Is that what you want to fucking hear?" I snapped. He sighed.

"I knew it. I'm telling your parents."

"You're fucking what?"

"They need to know."

"Matthew Webb. Don't you fucking dare."

"I have to, Josh! They need to know you have a problem!"

"Fine. Ruin my relationship with them." I walked off to my last class of the day.
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I walked up to my house and unlocked the door.

"Joshua Keeler Ramsay! What the hell?!" My dad yelled as soon as I shut the door behind me. I jumped a little and looked at him.

"A simple hello would be nice..." I pushed past him and to my room. Matt was sitting on my bed, waiting for me.

"How did you get here before me? And did you tell them?"

"I have a car, y'know. And you walked. Get back up there."

"No."

"Josh. Now." He stood up and followed me upstairs.

"So you told them."

"Damn right I did. I told you, they need to know about this."

"How long has this been going on, Josh?" My mother asked.

"Bout two years."

"Lift your shirt up." Dad demanded.

"That's an odd thing to request of your son."

"Do it, man." Matt said behind me. I sighed and lifted the fabric that covered all my scars and my body.

"Fuckin' happy?"

"Joshua!" Mom scolded.

"Oh please." I rolled my eyes. Matt hit me lightly with his elbow.

"What?!"

"Be nice to your mother." I rolled my eyes again and put my shirt down. I turned around and walked to my room, ignoring them. I locked myself in my bathroom. The only place I wouldn't be bombarded with questions.
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I wandered out of my bathroom and attempted to make it to my bed but instead fell to the floor. I closed my eyes.

"Fuck...MATT?!" I yelled. A few moments later, he came running down.

"What's wrong? Why are you on the floor?"

"Bed...couldn't make it..."

"You're not high again, are you?"

"Mm...bed..." I mumbled. He sighed and lifted me from my spot in front of the bathroom. He set me gently on the bed.

"Josh. You have to stop this. I care about you. Your family cares about you. We want you to be okay. And you keeping this shit up isn't helping."

"Whatever..." I mumbled and drifted off to sleep.
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When I woke up, Matt's voice was the first I heard. Of course it was. He almost never left my side.

"Josh? How you feeling man?"

"I just woke up. Give me a minute." I sat up and rubbed my eyes. I looked at my best friend sitting on the edge of my bed. He stared at me, his brown eyes full of worry. Shit.

"Matt...I'm sorry...I'm so so fucking sorry..." I looked down, trying not to cry. I've cried in front of Matt before, but I hated crying in front of ANYONE.
Even Matt. Especially Matt. I felt the tears start to fall down my face and mentally punched myself.

"Hey man. It's okay."

"No, it's not okay, Matthew! I'm hurting you! I'm hurting my family! I'm a fucking heroin addict, in what fucking world is that okay?!"

"Josh...we're trying to help you. Please, go upstairs and talk to your parents with me. We'll figure something out. Alright? Does that sound good?" I nodded and he took my hand in his. We walked upstairs and to the living room where my parents were waiting. I chewed my lip nervously. Matt led me to the couch opposite the one my parents were sitting on.

"First off, let's start with why." My dad said. He probably already had this planned out and had an entire script set up.

"I don't know. I needed an escape. Music didn't do shit. I was spiraling down deeper and deeper into depression. I already cut and starved myself, why the hell not fuck myself up even more with drugs?"

"Because...never mind. Secondly, how are you going to stop?"

"I'm not."

"Yes you are." Matt said. I sighed and held his hand a little tighter, careful not to hurt him. Not like I had any strength. I was too weak from all the damage I'd done to my body over the last two years.

"I know it's bad. I know I shouldn't do it. But I can't stop."

"Joshua Keeler Ramsay. I'm going to give you two choices. You pick one or the other. One. You go to rehab and get better. Or two. You don't stay here."

"What?"

"You get better or get out of here."

"Josh, please get better. For us. For your sisters. For Matt. For you. For your career." Mom said. I sighed and looked down. It all came down to this. I had to choose. Two years. And for what? I know Matt hated seeing me like this. I would do it for him.

"I'll go to rehab..." I mumbled. Matt hugged me.

"This isn't for me or my sisters or mom or dad. This is not for everyone at school. This is not for my other relatives. This is for Matt and Matt alone."

***
Hi.
Heres chapter four.
Holy dicks this was hard to write.
I'm pretty much Josh minus the drug addiction.
Anyway.
I hope you liked it!
I'll see you next time for chapter five!