Growing Up Nelson

Pick Joey

Prince parked in front of the orphanage and before he could put the car in park and take out his key I was already out of the car and on my way inside. I had nothing more to say to that old short bastard. I'm glad school starts next week because this was the last weekend I had to spend taking music lessons from somebody who didn't want kids. Then again it was my fault for getting all hyped in the first damn place. That was the second dumbest thing I've done so far and now it's making me sick to my stomach. When I got inside I was stopped by Mrs. Wilkinson with her usually crypt keeper voice and her old brittle body.

  "Carlyn my dear! You're back early! Where's Mr. Nelson?" She asked me like she was excited to see him come inside.

  "Outside. I'll be in my room." I said shortly.

She was shocked that I wasn't my usually smart ass sarcastic self.

  "Is everything alright?"

  "No." I said treading my way to my room and slamming my door behind me.

I turned on my stereo to a classic soul station as I looked out the window to find Prince's car still parked outside.

  "That son of a bitch ain't left yet?" I asked myself still peering out the window.

I came back inside from looking out and kicked my sneakers off and changed into some clean PJs. If this was a time to not get crunk this would be that time. I put my pink sock monkey on my door so that way Joey knew that it wasn't a good time for him to see me all upset. The last time he saw me crying he was so upset that he wasn't himself for days. So I made up a way to let him know to come back later by placing my sock monkey on my door sad face side up. Every sad slow song that came on I managed to keep my tears from falling. Until Luther Vandross came on. The song that sends everyone runnin' to their daddy 'Dance With My Father'. Now I'm crying into my pillow. The  feeling of wanting a dad or just a family had completely taken me to the land of sorrow and tears. I was crying my eyes out into my pillow. My heart was blown to bits after today and I don't know how much more sadness and disappointment I could take. This is the worst pain anyone could feel. I wanted it to go away now but it wasn't going to leave until I got what I wanted. A home. A family. Unconditional love. I was crying so hard that I never even noticed that someone was knocking on the door. The knocks weren't from Joey because he knew our code. The person continued to knock.

  "GO AWAY!" I shouted to the mystery person on the other side.

The person kept knocking.

  "I SAID GO AWAY!" I shouted again still crying.

The knocks continued and it was really pissing me off. I jumped up from my bed and wiped my face trying to make it seem like I wasn't crying.

  "Listen I don't know who you are but when I say go away it means leave!" I said as I unlocked the door and turned the knob pulling it open.

Of course it would be his royal pain in my ass himself. Prince. He was standing there with a sad look on his face. Before I even let him say a word I slammed the door in his face and locked it. I leaned against it as he continued knocking in hopes that I would let him in.

  "Carlyn can we talk? Please?"

  "No!"

  "Come on Carlyn don't be like this. Please come talk to me?" He was practically begging.

  "I said no! Fuck off!"

It got silent on the other side of the door for a moment.

  "You know you would owe me a quarter the next time you'd come back to my place." He said.

  "Then I guess you'll be waiting a log ass time for that quarter then now wontcha?" I snapped back.

  "That's two quarters sweetheart. Should we make it three?"

  "Why are you here! Leave already! I don't wanna see you ever again!" I said to him.

  "Carlyn I'm not leaving until you talk to me. I don't like us being on bad terms."

I scoffed at his sentence as I turned and grabbed onto the door knob. I thought about it for about two minutes. If I gave him five minutes he'd leave me alone. That sounds like a good ass deal. When his five minutes are up I kick his ass outta my room. I shook my head and let out a sigh. When I turned the knob the lock popped and I swung the door open.

  "Alright man lets talk. You got five minutes. When your time is up hit the bricks. Got it?" I said as I put my right hand on my hip and popped my neck at him.

  "Deal. Five minutes." He said.

I stepped out of the way and let him inside of my room. Prince wasted no time going straight to my bed and making himself comfortable.

  "Well this......is something!" He said looking around my huge and nearly empty room.

I went and turned off my stereo and sat next to him but just far enough so he wouldn't try to hug me. I wasn't in any mood to hug at all. I can tell on his face that he wanted to explain the situation to me about why he didn't want to adopt right now. Honestly I didn't even care anymore. I would rather wait out the two years to age out and get out of this bullshit state that is Minnesota. My goal now is to get to Atlanta not to have a family. There was too much heartbreak in waiting for that. He turned his head slightly towards me as he tried to read my emotions.

  "Carlyn?" He said.

  "What!" I snapped quickly.

  "I want you to understand that it's not good timing right now."

  "Ok I get it. You're not ready. Whatever I'm over it."

  "Then why are you so mad?"

  "Because I was hoping that you would adopt me. As much as I don't want to admit this shit I actually like you! I thought maybe you would be my perfect father but I guess that was a fucking lie now wasn't it?"

Prince sighed and shook his head.

  "Why me Carlyn? You think I know how to raise girls? I might be bad at it."

  "Then don't quit on adopting." I said to him.

We sat quietly and looked at each other. I looked over at the clock.

  "Time's up." I said sadly.

Prince stood from my bed and flashed me a small smile.

  "Take care kid." He said as he walked to the door and opened it slowly. He was about to walk out when I called out to him.

  "Prince wait!" I said.

He immediately stopped and looked back at me.

  "If your looking for a son.....then....adopt Joey. He's a good kid and he's dying for a home. If I was old enough I'd do it but.....well....ya know."

He didn't say anything. He nodded at my suggestion with a smile and closed the door behind him. The second the door softly hit the threshold my tears ran down my face.