Learning to Live Again

Chapter Two

Noah's Point of view. That's him over there ->

Emptiness. I remember how I used to feel alone; no one to love me, hardly anyone to talk to, and thoughts of abandonment that popped into my mind as i feel asleep. Compared to now it was merely a scratch. I feel like I've been stabbed. I'd never been as close to someone as I was to Sam. Even if I had just known him for a couples of months it's like he was my other half.

My pale blue eyes are stinging with pain. I'd been crying for practically the whole day. A few people from the newspaper came to talk to me early this morning. Luckily I was able to hide my tears as they asked me their stupid questions.

I grab the warm washcloth from the sink and light dab my red speckled face.

I wonder if this is how I'll spend the rest of my days. Getting up, cry, pretend to eat, and cry myself to sleep. Sounds wonderful huh?

I wash the sticky trails my tears left and stare at my reflection in the mirror. My first thought, "God is that really me?".

My dark brown hair is tangled and sticking up in places unimaginable. My eyes are bloodshot, dark circles rim around them-no surprise there. And lastly my usually fair skin was bright red in ugly blotches.

I'm not pretty when I cry...

Sighing I tug off my white tee shirt. I turn the shower on keeping it low. I usually take cold showers when I'm depressed. Then I kick off my dark jeans followed by my boxers. I take a step into the showers freezing rays. The coldness stings my skin leaving behind goose bumps.

I shower until I'm numb. The cold washed away all emotions and energy I had left. I shut off the shower, grab a torn up towel, and start drying myself off. Once I'm content that I'm dry enough I pull on the clean pair of boxers I had brought with me and a baggy pair of black sweatpants.

I step until the pitch black hallway. The old wooden boards softly squeak under my feet. I cruse under my breath, just down the hall were four toddlers. Getting them to sleep after they've awoken is a pain in the ass.

I slowly creep back to the room I once shared with the younger blonde. Looking over at his unmade bed I pass my bed and fall into his. The sweet smell of sour candy-his favorite-masks the odd detergent aroma that everyone else's bed seems to have.

I cover my head with his pillow. Zoning out of the world thinking about the past twenty four hours. The worst of my life. The tears start forming in my eyes again as the memory plays over and over again.

I lay in his bed until morning. As usual the peppy red head who sleeps in the room next to mine, comes skipping in.

"Noah." She chimes.

Deanna, the red head, is sadly a morning person. Every day she'd burst in here waking me up. However despite her loud voice she could never wake Sam. He is-was a deep sleeper.

"It's time to get up." She tells me walking closer to my, Sam's bed.

I don't answer her. I wish she'd just leave me alone but I doubt that'll ever happen.

"Come on get up. Breakfast is ready!" She tugs on my arm.

"I'm not hungry." I finally say.

Deanna drops my hand and yanks the cover off of my torso. The cool air sends a shiver down my spine but moments later I've adjusted to the cold.

"You have to eat! You hardly ate yesterday! Without food you'll die!"

"Good," I mumble.

Deanna raises an eyebrow, "What was that?"

"I hope I do."and that was the truth. I already felt dead inside.

Deanna, being the optimistic that she is, gasps.

"Youdon'tknow whatyou'resaying! Noah you only knew him for a few months! Get overit!"

I stiffen up and glare into her taunting green eyes. Boy did I want to punch that bitch right then and there, but that would only get me in trouble.

Instead I give her the finger and cover myself with the blankets once again. She lets out a loud groan and walks out. I hear her mumble "stupid fag" as she slams the door shut.

At least she's gone.

Once again I'm alone. My mind drifts off into deep thought about what I had said just a while ago. I really said I wish I was dead. Was that really true? Do I really feel that way? People always said things will get better, but when? Just when I think I have it all, the world comes crashing down on me.

What did I ever do to deserve all this shit?

I dig my nails deep into my arm holding them there until my hand starts cramping. I let go and reveal the crescent shaped red lines on my arm. A sight I'm pretty familiar with.

Back before Sam came I would sometimes find ways to hurt myself. I usually did it when I was angry or upset. I wouldn't do anything too noticeable in fear that someone would see it and worry. I don't need is someone here worrying about me. They’re already too busy with the younger kids.

Once again I spend most of the day in my room. I talk to no one except for that short conversation I had earlier with Deanna.

By the time night falls my stomach is grumbling loudly. I'll admit I was starving but in ordered to get food I would have to walk to the kitchen and that means I would most likely bump into someone on the way there. Talking is the last thing I want to do right now.

I stumble out of bed and walk over to the window. I plop down on the floor and rest my head in my arms. I sigh and stare up at the stars. I see one shining especially bright. For the first time in a day or so I smile.

"Sam," I whisper with a tear forming in my eyes. "I miss you so much."

For a second I think the star shines even brighter than before, then I realize it was probably just my teary eyes playing tricks on me.

Yay for extremely short chapters! I've decided this will probably end up being one of those stories where the chapters are short but there's a bunch and it's updated every two days or so.

Yeah..

SO! If you like it I'd love to know. If you don't tell me what about it you don't like.

Thanks for all the votes and comments so far! ^^

P.s. first person who hasn't gotten a dedication who has voted and commented get the dedication~

Love you ^^

-Sky