Outer space

Chapter 9

Life happens in weird ways, let's clear that out of the way. All that built up emotion I held in for so long was meant to come out, it was always meant to, fate or not, it happened.

Not proud of how it all happened, it was still important for Ashton to understand some things from my child hood. I hadn't even told Damien what happened to me when I was in high school.

I didn't tell anyone until years later.

Josie was the first and only person I told before Ashton. So it felt weird for these things to just come out of my mouth, but they had to. It felt weird, and it felt right. To tell Ashton what kind of shit has been on my mind was an absurd relief that I'd never forget.

"I was in a really close relationship with Alex." I closed my eyes. "It was my Jr. year of school and we'd been dating for months, almost the whole year to be particular." My hands started to tremble.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to"

"No, I want to tell you"

"Okay then" He leaned against a rack of towels.

I shifted uncomfortable. "We just had a great relationship in the beginning. Everything was about personality and jokes, all that cute stuff you look forward to in high school. Well, after a couple months went by, the question started to pop up.......sex"

I had to take a moment to move on, just because I had my doubts.

"That kind of stuff I just didn't really like to talk about. I wasn't quite comfortable with the idea of having sex yet. I wasn't ready" I frowned deeply, more deeply than I possibly could have, or even had done in a very long time. "For the next few weeks, maybe even  months, that was what i constantly heard all day long. He wanted to know when, I didn't want to give that information away. It went on for quite a while to be honest, and I got fed up. So I started to change my demeanor in which I told him no. Instead of saying a flat out, strict as can be, no. I would say, some other time, maybe soon, and so on"

"I realized that he wasn't really going to be the man I wanted to marry when I was older, so what was the point in loosing all I really had for my personal sense. The last thing I wanted was for him to carry a piece of me forever"

"But I was annoyed. I just wanted to keep having that sweet relationship with him without feeling like I would have to have sex with him in order to keep him. Eventually I just kind of lost it. I felt so much pressure, especially with the end of the year coming. My friends begged me to loosen up for once, my boyfriend begged me to, even my parents wanted me to stop being so stressed and live my life. Which is saying a lot for my parents. At that point I was done caring, so much pressure on myself lead me to believe that having sex really wasn't that big of a deal. So, I went to a stupid party and got drunk ...and basically gave Alex consent to have sex with me. But obviously that wasn't really what I wanted. He knew it, my drunk mind didn't, and from that point on things just got worse in my life. I broke up with him almost immediately, and because of that slutty roomers went around, and they never really stopped until I left that devil of a school"

"I-I don't know what to say Lay" He stuttered. I could barely make out his face in the dark room, however I knew that he was really upset. Not at me in any way, but at the life that I had.

"Ashton, you don't have to say anything to be honest, I just want you to know that you're the second person I've told, and I don't want you to tell anyone else"

"I'd NEVER tell anyone Lay. I'm glad you told me, I really am, I just, I would never tell anyone in the world." He shook his head. "I swear to god, and specifically promise"

"Well then I feel like I should tell you that on Thursday I ran into him. I ran into Alex, and he tried to apologize"

"Apologize?"