“Ashton Ashton Ashton Ashton Ashton”, I have to admit – I know I’m annoying, but this is important—or at least to me.
“Not now Mike I’m trying to make a keek. HI KEE-“, oh shut up. That’s all you ever do you little nuisance ball. “HEY GUYS I’M GETTING ENGAGED AND ASH WON’T HELP ME CHOOSE A RING”, I said to the camera. I can’t help it. “Are you fucking serious?! You can’t say that yet!”, he argued. “Well then dickhead, will you come with me now or shall I record a keek on my own saying the wonderful news?”, I said. Hehe. “Fine.”
FINALLY.
We walked to the nearest jewelry store we could find (and it was Gucci. Like WHY CAN’T A STORE WITH SECONHAND RINGS AND STUFF BE NEAR TO OUR BUS WOW YOU CAN SENSE HOW ANNOYING LIFE COULD BE), and man, there were a lot of rings. Like a lot. A lot. “Um, what kind of ring could I give a girl I want to propose to?”, I asked the girl on the counter. She walked me to a glass compartment with diamond rings aligned neatly—to be honest, those were pretty sexy.
“This one’s for $2500”, she said, pointing to a red box. The price tag is not that sexy.
“Sooooo, Ashy Ashity Ashy Ash”, I faced Ashton, tugging the hem of his tank top. “Help me.”, I mouthed. He walked over to the girl. “So what’s the cheapest?”, he said with a cheeky smile.
I swear if you listen closely, you could hear me say ‘rawr’ when I saw that smile.
“Well, this one’s for one grand.”, she said, taking out a box with a ring, its diamond really small. “Oh, come on baby. Can’t we two pretty young men get discounts from such a gorgeous lady like you?”, he retorted. Where have this side of Ashton been all my life. “I’ll give it for eight hundred.”, she said, hiding her smile. “Thanks love.”, he replied, smirking. He looked over to me, signaling that I go to the cash register and pay.
We walked out of the store with probably the most expensive piece of brass in my pocket, him teasing me about how I’m gonna get “”married”” soon. “I’ve never seen you in a tux”, he elbowed me.
“I’ve never seen myself in one either”, I said.
“So how are you going to pop the question?”,
“I’ll go dress as Ash from Pokemon, then bring a pokeball with the engagement ring inside, then say ‘I choose you’, in the most seductive voice. “
“You know you’re not gonna get laid when you do that.”
“Oh, watch me.”
