Let's Talk About Life.

It's time.

December 2, 2001

It is time.

The council woke me up earlier than usual, but that's okay. Council told me to get my things together and head to the ship.

I'm so nervous

And excited

These emotions I am feeling I cannot contain

And ones emotions are not the same as any other emotions.

I feel like my brain is going to explode with all these emotions that no other life form should feel like this.

It's eating me up inside and I don't know how to contain it

so I fall

and fall

and fall

till I can't fall anymore

that's how the emotions inside me escape.

until I have no emotion at all.

and fall into a deep slumber.

But council says I should not worry

for I am in good hands.

But for some reason, I do not believe in what they say for their eyes hold a lie.

It may not be a big a lie,

Or it may be the largest lie in all of the galaxy,

but I may never know

for I am going to be on a ship for several months into a deep hyper sleep and may never find out about this lie.

Maybe I'm not really going to Earth and they are just kicking me off of my home turf Tabatha?

Oh please oh mighty God do not have me be kicked off for I have no where else to go.

Or are they really just making me stay on this planet you call Earth for all of Eternity? I will never know.

They told me I could bring two personal items.

Only two.

So I brought my lullaby cube to help me on this journey and my beloved family picture.

Why a picture of my family?

I brought this so they can be kept refresh in my memory for they have died when I was at a very young age. I had my mom Janet, my dad Greg, my sister Holly, and my brother Chris.

They all died in a crash.

I wasn't aloud where they were going to go so they left me with the sitter.

The driver that killed them took one too many drinks and collided with them head on.

The sitter found this out not even 30 minutes later after they left.

I was put in the Orphanage for 10 years until someone finally adopted me.

I was 15 when this happened.

I sort of blame myself really for their death.

I wasn't part of anything.

But I still blame myself for it.

I would've died with them.

I miss them still.

And I only have one picture as a family in our last moments.

They died on Christmas Eve.

They were going to get my present.

I was the reason they died.

I have thought before, killing myself just to be with them,

but it's against the law to do so.

It's against the law to feel any negative activity.

To get the negative activity out, I cut the pale colored skin that is my forearm and wrist. I don't know why I do this, it makes me feel better in a way.

A way without publically displaying it.

By the way I know what you're thinking.

"How can you hide your scars? Isn't that publically displaying negativity?"

I forgot to say in the last entry that our tunics are long sleeved for we have cold nights.

No one knows that I do this.

Not even my adoptive family.

I don't tell anyone because I know what they would do, and I wouldn't appreciate it.

I keep the blade in the back of my bedroom drawer. Just in case; even though it's also against the law to look through personal belongings of someone else. Just in case.

But I snuck a third item on with me.

You probably already guessed it.

But please,

don't tell anyone. I don't want to feel anymore different than I already do.

I must go now.

It's time to board the ship and head to planet Earth. See you in eight months.

PJ Ligouri