*earth is covered in lava but meanwhile in heaven*
God: so how long have you known?
Satan: oh you know since like THE BEGINNING OF FUCKING TIME STUPID ASS BITCH I SWEAR THIS IS WHY I NEVER VISIT. Oh and by the way Jesus stop sending me do you want to build a snowman gifs of that one part where she says "we used to be best buddies but now we're not" it's getting fucking old."
*jesus pouts and hangs his head like a puppy who just stubbed his toe*
God: wow I could've never seen this coming
Satan: honestly you should've when I've been torturing the same fine ass soul the last 500 decades. Especially when I went through all that trouble to squeeze out my last bit of angel power to create death to go gather up all the souls so I wouldn't have to stop seriously how fucking stupid are you guys.
Death: you're fucking kidding me right. That's why I was fucking created. Can you believe this shit. WHAT THE FUCK. I thought you said I was one of gods creations and you were scaring the human race with your horn too much. You lied to me. You fucking ass hole. I can't believe this bullshit.
God: death I never realized why we had you banned from here but now- now it's all coming back very clearly.
Death: then why was I banned?
God: because. You're. So. Fucking. Annoying.
Jesus: seriously just shut the fuck up sometimes this is about Satan right now not you you self centered little bitch.
Death: I hate all of you. Especially you Satan this isn't finished well have a long talk on the fall back down to hell.
Satan: oh by the way did you bring your keys I kind of forgot mine back in the torture chamber
Death: no I fucking didn't remember? I don't even have any to fucking bring. You never had me a copy made you were too busy fucking that soul of yours to ever order me a set.
Satan: ooooh yeah fuck guess we're locked out then.
God: no no no it's cool we kept the back up set we got you
Satan: thank the lord
God: why are you talking in 3rd person?
Satan: what
God: you said thank the lord but... I'm right here... I'm the lord
Satan: God fuck yourself you stupid bitch
God: but that's what I have- never mind I must go now oh my what have I done
*god shuffling away mumbling frantically to himself*
Satan: OKAY THEN anyways back to my sexuality
Death: I swear this is why you created me so you could fuck your favorite soul while I collected bitchy and confused ones, and deal with shit from bitchy teens. No fucking thank you I didn't ask for this.
Noah: WHATS UP BITCHES! I'm back from my vacation to the cookie galaxy.
Death: I thought you were going to the Milky Way galaxy?
Noah: I like the cookie more there's less conflict.
Satan: oh
Death: how unfortunate
God: WHAT THE FUCK SATAN?
Satan: oh I see you're back... And you found my surprise
God: YOU MELTED EARTH MY MOST INCREDIBLE CREATION!
Noah: I wouldn't exactly call it incredible it's about average
Death: yeah I'm gonna have to second that
Jesus: I'm gonna be completely honest I didn't understand half the things you put there
God: like what everything there was there for good reason
Noah: the blob fish? What purpose could that have possibly fucking had?
God: it was my attempt to get humans to stop constantly bitching about how "ugly" they were, and to show them how ugly I could've made them
Satan: why not just go for the gold and make the bitchy ones fucking hideous surely you can do better than the blob fish.
God: you try making people be ugly
Satan: that's literally my job
Death: from what I hear is you don't even do your job
Satan: oh right... My fabulous toy
Death: yeah the one you created because you couldn't stand leaving him
Satan: I miss him.. We're leaving BYEEEE BITCHES
*satan blows kisses*
*jesus winces*
