*before earth was melted by Satan himself*
*some hipster Starbucks coffee shop in California*
Bethany: oh. My. God.
Starbucks person: soy bean coffee for Jessica
*jessica sips coffee slowly*
Jessica: what the fuck. I can taste the cows soul this was made of I said soy bean god damn it!
*throws drink at Starbucks person*
Starbucks person: this is my fucking life.
Jessica: I don't fucking care you worthless cow slaughtering piece of shit you should be ashamed.
Starbucks person in the most mode tone ever: you know what I do every day when I get home? I sit on my couch that reeks of cat vomit and turn on the tv and watch law and order because that's the only channel my stolen tv gets. When that's finished I go to my room and lay on my bed covered in cat piss. I grab some rope I got from the dollar tree and tie it. You know what I tie it into? A noose. Then I bolt one end to the ceiling and let it hang. There's 50 nooses bolted to my bathroom ceiling alone.
Jessica: go kill yourself you piece of fucking trash
Satan wearing a mustache: i over heard you talking about me?
Bethany: this is obviously a A B conversation C your way out weird creepy guy.
Satan: I'm fabulous thank you very much.
Jesus: why are we here I want to go home
*jessica rolls eyes*
Noah: hey what are you sluts doing here?
*Bethany gasps*
Bethany: baby you know these people?
Satan: baby?
Jesus: these people?
Jessica: soy bean?
Noah: hold on a sec Beth I have to explain shit to these idiots.
*noah drags Satan and Jesus out of starbucks*
Noah: Bethany and I are a "thing" I guess I don't how they say it *rolling eyes* she gives good head okay
Satan: is she a dude?
Noah: what no?!
Satan: not interested. Anyways why are you dating that piece of trash don't stripper give good head to?
Noah: I'm broke
Jesus: I WANT TO GO HOME IM VERY UNCOMFORTABLE!
God: what's going on bitches.
Satan: never do that again.
Noah: ditto you're just not really good at cursing
Jesus: dad they're making me uncomfortable
God: damn it Jesus how haven't you picked up on it yet
Jesus: on what?
God: you're not my fucking son Mary was just a hoe and went around fucking Joseph's friends. She couldn't face the shame of her sins and blamed it all on me.
Satan: tragic
Jesus: wh-wha-but-what
Noah: soak it in buddy. That's the feeling of not having a father.
Jesus: but-
Satan: tragic
God: oops
Noah: lol
Jesus: I fucking hate all of you
Satan: oh my the child cursed
God: JESUS! I thought I taught you better than that.
Jesus: fuck off you're not my dad
Satan: ooooooh the child's a rebel now
Noah: petty as fuck
God: oh my lord what have I done
*jesus vanishes off to some mystery place*
Satan: he's even pettier then me
Noah: well he's going to have fixing that
Satan: that right there is why I'm never having kids
Noah: also you can't
Satan: one of the reasons I'm gay
Noah: what?
Satan: nothing
