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Michael

I don't how Caitlin fell asleep tonight.  My thoughts are running around in my head, pounding against each other until everything aches.

Even the feeling of her in my arms can't stave off the worry like it normally does.  It grows bigger, standing in the corner and laughing at me like a demented circus performer.

Our parents had sat in silence as we had told them about the scholarship offer.  Of course, we still hadn't told them about Will, about Hit Rewind and about all it wrought.

My chest constricts, and I look down at my girlfriend, her hands curled under her body.  Could I really leave her, not knowing what game that he's playing this time?

And the girls, my sweet little girls.  Those old fears that I had thought vanished start to invade again.  Might I leave them, abandon them, whether through choice or not?

Carefully, even though my body is taut with worry, I ease myself out of bed to stand by the open window.  Hands perched on the sill, I allow a nearly-silent sigh to escape.

Until that letter had shown up, I had thought Caitlin and I were going to be fine.  Sure, we still have no clue how we're going to put ourselves, much less the triplets when they were older, through college, but we are determined to do it.  Hit Rewind had become a distant memory, and we were happy.

It has returned in vengeance now, crowding out any thoughts of happiness in my future.  The icy fingers of fear have my heart within their grasp, and I wonder for a moment if this is exactly what he wanted.

"Michael?" Caitlin groans from the bed, and it take me a brief second to realize that she's talking unconsciously.  One hand rises into the air for moment before drifting back to the mattress.

Unable to resist the urge to touch her, my body craving even the slightest contact, I kneel beside the bed and take her fingers in mine.  Gently, I touch them to my lips, eyes sketching every line of this moment into my memory.

"I never deserved you," I whisper to the dark.  "You were the rainbow to my cloudy sky, the blanket to my biting cold, the angel to my demon.  Even now, when I know that you're terrified about the future, you are allowing my hand to slip from yours, allowing me to pursue something you're not certain about."

She sighs and smacks her lips slightly, breath rattling deep within her chest.  I fall silent, content to caress her fingers with a touch lighter than the brush of a butterfly's wings.

"I'm scared.  There, I managed to admit it even though it's to your sleeping body.  I wish I wasn't.  I wish that I could cut out the part of me that felt weak and frightened and inadequate.  I'm terrified to the very depths of my soul, Cait, and I don't know how I can be the man you want me to be if I am always worrying about what awful surprise lingers around the corner."

Some deep emotion wells up in me the longer I stare at my girlfriend, and I stand to crawl back onto the bed, wrapping my arms around her as tight as I can without waking her.  Ever so carefully, I trail feather-light kisses down the side of her face to where her collarbone juts.

"I hope that I never stop loving you."