Friday, 13th January, 2012,
Dear Chips,
There is so much I want to say to you but every time I say something that is close enough to what I feel about you, I end up embarrassing myself! We have so many memories together from the past few years! I remember how I wasn't really that close to you yet I told you most of my secrets. Guess, I just trusted you even if I didn't love you at that time.
It's weird how I didn't realise earlier that someday I would love you. It should've been obvious a few years ago right? I mean you're sweet, you're nice, you listen to me, you're cute, you're smart and you're funny! You're all these things I love yet the thought of actually liking you never came to my mind, until now.
You probably know more about me than I did about you, back then. You always used to listen to me babble on and on about myself and you didn’t mind a bit (well you probably did, but you were always so polite!) Actually, at one point, you told me you find it funny, when I talk nonsense about myself and you teased me a bit, especially about my height! I remember slapping your face loads of time when you insulted me, but that was before I liked you. I guess my feelings, for you, have changed somehow…
I don't even know if you like me the way I do. It's so hard to tell! Lollie thinks you do but you just confuse me. Sometimes I feel like you like me and sometimes I just think you like me as a friend because of how close we are getting now. Every time I speak, think or talk to you, I just can't help smiling like an idiot. Sometimes, you make my heart race so much, I wonder why I haven't ever fainted and at times, I can’t help but wonder if you know how much I like you. You probably might have an idea.
To be honest, I think I might be falling in love with you but I keep convincing myself and my friends that it’s just a crush. Maybe it is; I don’t know. I’m just afraid of falling in love with you and having my heart broken. I’m afraid that you will reject me and I’m afraid of humiliation. I’m just afraid because the last time I told a guy I liked him, he ignored my feelings for him. He was my best friend, my first love and the guy I was the most closest too and I’m scared of getting hurt again. I don’t want to be in love with someone who doesn’t love me back. That’s why the only thing I can think of is running away, before I get hurt. Somehow, I can’t run away from you though…
Most importantly, I don’t think I want to get over you because without you, there is no one to love. My life would just be depressing and boring. I don’t want to forget how much you make me smile and how happy I am, every time you talk to me. I'd rather be living in hope then be completely rejected right now. Maybe that's why I'm so shy around you but I just want to say that I love you.
Love, Ice-cream <3 <3 <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
