Wednesday, 25th January 2012
Dear JJay,
If someone had asked me what was my biggest regret in life, I'm sorry but I have to say you. I remember when I went out with you. Both, you and me had broken up with the people we were going out with. I dumped my boyfriend and you got dumped by yours. It was sad and I genuinely felt sorry for you. I didn't mean for you to like me but you did and I was confused about my feelings, myself.
Anyways, it wasn't that I didn't like you. I did, a lot. I wasn't in love with you; I just liked you a bit more then friends. However, I tried so hard. I really did. I tried to make it work but it was mostly me trying and I couldn't have that. A relationship involves two people. I was mostly the one coming upto you, hugging you, starting the conversation ...not you. So how was that supposed to make me feel?
You made me feel like you didn't care and I hated that. You gave me such little attention that I ended up falling for another guy (Blue) and finally, decided to break up with you. But you beat me to it. You dumped me over MSN like I didn't mean nothing to you.
To be honest, when you dumped me, at that moment I didn't care because I wanted to break-up with you without hurting your feelings and getting dumped wasn't so bad. In fact, I laughed and I was happy as hell. But as weeks passed and I looked back at our relationship, I realised that you didn't really like me as much as I did and that hurt. It seemed like you were only with me for the fun of it. Theres always a person in a relationship, that loves the other one more and as weeks passed, I realised that, that person was me. Feeling like your toy hurt me so much!
I wasn't the only person that was hurt. Even though she dumped you, your ex girlfriend- one of my closest friends- she still loved you and she didn't admit it but it hurt her. She wasn't the only one, my ex-boyfriend that I had dumped still loved me and it hurt him too. But the thing I regret the most is hurting Blue (because I told you what I felt about him, before we were going out and then you told me that he returned my affections after we were going out). Instead, I sacrificed my feelings for Blue to be with you and you threw it back in my face.
After all that drama, it doesn't even matter now. We may have had some good times but I still regret going out with you. I hurt myself, Blue, my friend (ur ex), my ex and maybe even you. If I could go back in time, I would so change it but I can't so I guess I just have to live with it. Even though, everytime I see your face (which is everyday), I still think if you really liked me or were just using me for your happiness. That is why, I just can't get myself to talk to you much now...and my relationship with Blue is forever ruined because I went out with you and I really liked him but I don't anymore.
Maybe someday, I will be happy with Chips and I will forget the way you made me feel, how much I loved Blue and how much I had to live with him despising me. Until then, I guess, we're just going to act like strangers :)
From your ex-girlfriend, Ice-cream :)
