young forever × taekook

30.12.15

dear taehyung
i am sorry
i know this won't help you anymore
you are dead
when i arrived at your apartment you were already laying on your bed passed out and ice cold

i whish i wouldn't have let you leave

i feel like i owe you a lot so i am just going to answer to all of your questions
i hope you can read this wherever you are now

i knew your name from the day we met. Kim Taehyung.
i don't think someone as cruel as me can be art.
i am sorry for making you cry. i know my apologies won't help you anymore but i am truly sorry.
i think i rejected younghee because she was fake and also because i just didn't feel attracted to her.
i knew it all the time. but i was never brave enough to tell them to stop. i whish i would have. maybe you would be alive if i would've.
i ignored you because i came to reflect my actions and i was just sorry but i didn't know what to do. if i look back at it, it probably wasn't the best idea. i am sorry.
i was the one who carried you home, every time. because i knew that was the only way i could help you without getting myself involved. i know its weak. i am sorry for being so afraid.
i don't think you are disgusting and i was just stupid when i did.
i never wanted you to die and now you are dead and its my fault and i am not happy.
i am sorry.
i never wanted to be your reason to die but i am happy that i once was your reason to live, even if i didn't deserve it or did a good job.
i was so nice to you because i reflected my behavior and  finally was brave enough to talk to you.
i know i was too late.
and you did cry. i saw the dried tears.
i wish you would have never loved me and gave me the chance to hurt you. i am sorry.
i whish i wouldn't have let you go when you were standing in my door handing me the letters, your face still brusied from the punches my so called friends gave you. i am sorry.
i whish i would have kept you with me after you said it to me.
"saranghae jungkook"
i'm still asking myself if those were your last words but i hope they weren't.
i whish you wouldn't have died because of me.

i don't know if i have the right to say so, but you were a truly beautiful and unique person and i am sorry i made you suffer so much.
i think i messed up.

- jeon jungkook