Reed & Roden

5 / lie

It's becoming harder to get through the day.

He spends most of his time hunched over the toilet seat than on his feet, and sometimes it's two in the morning, and sometimes it's five, when he sits up wide-eyed with unbearable pain in his chest before rolling over and spewing the petals out. Roden goes to class looking more dead than a corpse, and he's lost count over how many times his classmates ask him if he's alright. His body is weak, his throat is burning, his lungs find it hard to take up all the oxygen he needs, and as an excuse for the violent coughing fits, he's smoking again even though he stopped junior year. The energy that he used to have to go to five to seven classes everyday, attend science team meetings and still go to swimming training, is gone.

He's getting worse. The Disease is actually starting to really kill him.

And this is what he thinks as he sits on Reed's bed with a scarf over his neck to hide the darkening lines etched on his skin. Reed's notebook is on his lap, and he was in the process of looking through some of her new sketches of building designs for an assignment (she's improved so much with the help of her classes, and Roden is proud of her) when Aaron the asshole calls.

His hands don't touch the sketchbook in Reed's absence.

When she comes back, unlike that last time, she has stars in her eyes and happiness on her lips. "He's picking me up in an hour. We're going on a date."

"Oh," he said. "That's great."

And Reed actually squeals, like the first time Aaron asked her out months ago and Roden was the only person she could tell. Then she's gushing, rambling about how she's glad they're actually going to spend time together and how much she missed him and that she has tons of work due but that it can wait until after the date, and all Roden can do is watch her as she digs through her closet, the anticipation and eagerness radiating off of her palpable. He's happy for her, he tells himself. She deserves this much.

Roden sits frozen while Reed brings three different dresses to the bathroom with her, making sure to grab the small makeup bag sitting on her desk. Through the thin door, she says, "Sorry. You must think I'm dumb for being excited about a date."

"I don't think you're dumb," Roden answers immediately. "I would never think that."

"Then what's got you so quiet?" There's rummaging inside the bathroom. "Is there something bothering you?"

Roden coughs. Reed notices. "You shouldn't smoke again," he hears her say quietly, in that tone she uses when it's about something she dislikes or disapproves of. "You know how proud I was when you stopped years ago. We even celebrated at a karaoke and you had me singing horribly."

He couldn't help the curve of his lips at the memory. Oh, good times. "It wasn't...horrible."

"You can stop lying." He hears the smile in her voice, too. "In all seriousness, Roden. It's not healthy."

Neither is loving you, he wants to say. And it's not like I have anything else to lose. "I know. I promise I'll stop."

Reed doesn't say anything for a while. Roden hates that he's disappointing her, but he needs the excuse. He needs the distraction, the high it gives. Reed doesn't understand, and that's fine. He doesn't need her to.

"I'm going to ask again and you're going to answer me honestly, Roden Olivers," Reed says. Roden flips another page in her sketchbook. "What's bothering you? Tell me."

"I'm quitting the swim team."

Reed slams the door open, and it scares Roden so much that he jumps back from surprise, hand going to his chest to clutch his racing heart. "Jesus, you scared the living shit out of me."