Fifty Shades: Submission and Strength

Chapter 18

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So this was originally going to be a light-hearted chapter, but it got angsty pretty fast! I'm not trying to knock BDSM, but I don't think Ana comes at it from a healthy place (at least not in my story). Between her depression, self-harm and feeling that men use her for her body, she really shouldn't be doing it. So that leads to this inevitable confrontation with Christian, who's shaken by her latest revelation and begins to question if he can truly make her happy. Hope the end wasn't too melodramatic. Please review!

Christian had never really spent time lounging in his own media room. But as Ana's head lay on his lap — his fingers rhythmically combing through her long locks while she dozed in and out — he developed a newfound appreciation for the art of doing nothing.

He ignored whatever reality TV dribble Ana had set the channel to. As always, whenever his thoughts began to stray, he found them inevitably wandering over to Ana — and what excuse he could come up with to see her next.

"I have a gala dinner I need to attend on Tuesday night," he said out of the blue, pausing the TV. "It's for a local children's cancer charity that many companies in the Seattle Chamber of Commerce support, including my own. I'd like you to accompany me."

Ana tensed, her rapid-fire breathing the only noise amid the pin-drop silence.

Like a date? In public? With all of Seattle's bigwigs? And he wants me to accompany the biggest bigwig of them all to one of the biggest functions in town? That's, well, BIG. What has he been smoking on that ship with Mac? Does he seriously expect the city's wealthiest, smartest man to show up with an orphan/submissive who is scared of social gatherings and whose only accomplishment is taking a few international law classes? Even if he didn't partake in Mac's stash of weed, he must've snorted some seawater up his nose because he's officially lost his ever-loving mind.

Ana gradually lifted herself from Christian's lap, preparing to let him down gently.

"Christian, I can't come with you."

He looked perplexed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "Why not?" It's not forbidden in that sacred contract of yours, so what's the problem now?

"Ummm, for one thing, how exactly do you plan on introducing me?"

"As my date," he shrugged.

"But I'm your submissive."

"Who'd be my date for the evening."

Ana resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "OK, semantics aside, let's face the bigger elephant in the room. What about the fact that I'd make a total fool of myself? What do you expect me to talk about with people who run multimillion-dollar corporations and charities?"

"Syria, climate change, immigration policy, terrorism or any of the million subjects you could easily school them on." Isn't it obvious?

"Christian, it's one thing for me to give you a lecture on international affairs. I know you — fairly intimately I might add." He gave her a lascivious smirk. "Damn straight Miss Steele."

"Stay focused," she playfully admonished him and his ever-present libido. "My point is, it's quite another thing to talk intelligently with a group of people I hardly know, especially when that group is way more educated and accomplished than me. I'm intimidated by speaking up in class — let alone speaking up at some fancy-schmancy shindig."

"Ana, first of all, give yourself a modicum of credit. You're one of the most intelligent people I know. Most of these people talk out of their asses anyway. Second of all, give me some credit. I won't leave you to fend for yourself with those sharks. I'll be right there by your side the entire time."