Fifty Shades: Submission and Strength

Chapter 19

"I'm not rushing her John — she needs my help! She's finally opening up to me. I need to move full steam ahead so that we don't go backward."

It was Monday night and Christian was at Flynn's office — ahead of schedule, both literally and figuratively.

"Christian, I'm happy that you and Ana are connecting, but perhaps you need to slow down," Flynn cautioned him. "Don't push her too far too fast."

"Taking her on a damn date after I've fucked her every which way isn't exactly moving fast," he snarled, hands on his hips as he stood over his trusty psychiatrist. Flynn wondered why his patient couldn't ever just sit on the sofa.

"No, but exposing her to the unwanted glare of the media spotlight as your girlfriend is."

"I'll keep her away from those pariahs," he huffed. "And she's only my date, not my girlfriend."

"Whatever label you use, she will still be bombarded by your associates, none of whom have ever seen you bring a woman to one of these functions," he reminded him. "That may be incredibly overwhelming for her. Remember, according to you, this girl has been depressed and isolated for years. This is not the kind of situation she's accustomed to — or may even want to be a part of."

"Exactly," Christian bit back. "That's why she needs it. She needs to rejoin the world, to crawl out of her shell and out of her rut. I'm pushing her so she can finally rid herself of these ghosts that have been holding her back — so that she finally gets better!" Jesus, for a bright man this Brit can be exceedingly dense!

"Christian, you do realize that people with depression don't just magically 'get better.' It's a disease, like any other chronic condition. Medication and therapy can help curb it, but there is no overnight 'cure.' This is something she will most likely battle for the rest of her life, and you need to be prepared to stand beside her through the ups and downs if you decide to be with her long-term. I don't say that to discourage you in any way. I think Anastasia is the best thing that's ever happened to you, but you need to have a clearer picture of her problems before you go trying to fix them single-handedly."

"Don't patronize me John. I understand that depression is a serious illness and no one is even talking about being with this woman long-term, so stop getting ahead of yourself. I'm just talking about taking her on a date for fuck's sake. We've made steady progress. We talk every night. We're spending time outside the playroom. This is simply the next step in her recovery," Christian said with CEO efficiency. "I only want to help the girl — and if I have the means to do it at my disposal, why shouldn't I?"

"I never said that you shouldn't, although I do think professional help would be beneficial to her as well."

"You think I don't know that? I suggested she see you after my meltdown over making her feel cheap. The last thing I'd ever want is for her to feel degraded, and I know she's got some twisted ideas about herself and BDSM. But she hates shrinks, so what can I do? I'm not going to push her. I barely got her to stay after I practically shoved her out the door like a moron."

"That gets to another matter. It's clear you no longer view her strictly as a submissive, but she continues to see herself in this light. At some point, you will both need to have a conversation to delineate the parameters of your new relationship. When are you going to broach this subject with her?"

"John, it was pulling teeth to get her to go out with me in public. She doesn't just have a phobia about relationships. She has a total complex about them. I'm not stepping into that heaping pile of shit until I have to."

Flynn quirked his brow. "Are you avoiding the issue to use your position as her Dom when it conveniently suits you, such as pressuring her into this party?"

"Fuck you John," he muttered, conveniently avoiding his gaze. "Don't insinuate that I'd ever take advantage of her."

"That's not what I'm saying," Flynn replied, unfazed by Christian's routine outbursts, especially where Ana was concerned. "I just want you to navigate this minefield carefully. You can't expect her to act like a submissive one day, and then expect her to freely express her opinions the next. You can't have your cake and eat it too. At some point, you will both have to hash out your expectations."

"As you always tell me John, one step at a time." Christian smirked, finally able to throw Flynn's advice back in his face. "Look, she already knows how much she means to me — I was practically on my damn knees begging her to stay the other day. She knows I don't just want her for her body. And she knows I disapprove of her seeing herself that way. I'm going to help her realize her own self-worth if it kills me. Helping other people may not be my strong suit, and God knows I've fucked shit up with this girl a million times, but I'll be damned if that stops me from trying."

"Christian, I think you help a tremendous amount of people. You consistently underestimate your altruistic nature. And it's obvious that you care deeply about this woman's welfare, but this goes far beyond that. I'm just going to ask you this pointblank because there's no use dancing around it any more. Are you in love with Anastasia?"

Christian stopped his pacing to glare at his presumptuous psychiatrist. "What? Have you lost your fucking mind John? I'm not capable of love. You know that," he ground out. "Not to mention the fact that this girl has more issues than any sane man could cope with — let alone a fucked-up one like me with his own boatload of issues."

Christian abruptly turned to stare out the window, on the verge of another meltdown. Neither said a word for the next minute as Christian clenched his fists, his shoulders taut with tension.

"But yes, of course I love the damn girl!" he finally yelled out. "There, happy now?" Nosey bastard. "Anyone with eyes can fucking see I love her — everyone except her!"

Flynn grinned from ear to ear while Christian wore an implacable scowl. Smug AND nosey bastard.

"Then don't give up on her Christian. The speed with which you have opened yourself up to Anastasia has been nothing short of miraculous, but everyone works on their own timetable. I know you're frustrated that she hasn't fully reciprocated and let you in, but if you objectively step back from the situation, you'll see just how far she has come in such a short span of time. Don't discount her journey simply because it doesn't mirror your own. Work with her, at her own pace — gradually. Be patient Christian."

"I'd never give up on her, but patience is not my MO doc," he grumbled.

"Neither was love," Flynn pointed out.

Exactly. But I made it happen. And now I'm going to make Ana fall in love with me. I'm a man who gets what he wants — I have a multibillion-dollar business to prove it — and I know what I want: Ana Steele, by my side, happy and healthy, from this moment forward. I'm done pretending. I want all of her and I won't settle for anything less. And I'm done with these fucking baby steps.

"Christian, I just don't want you to have unrealistic notions that you alone will somehow save her."

"Look John, I think we'll have to agree to disagree on this one. If anyone can 'save' her, it's the man who loves her." Love. The word still sounds so fucking foreign, but it's like everything else with Ana. It just feels so fucking right. Screw him. I built an empire from scratch. I CAN save the girl I love.

"I know Anastasia better than you do and I understand what she needs. I appreciate your advice, but I'm going to figure out what's best for her. I'll give you a status report at our next session," Christian said, brushing off Flynn's disapproving stare.

He gathered up his briefcase and confidently strolled out of the office, a renewed sense of purpose in his step.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Good news — Christian finally confronts his feelings for Ana. Bad news — he's still our impatient, pushy Fifty. I wanted Christian to be a good guy in this story who's not afraid to move forward with Ana, but I didn't want him to be perfect either. He assumes it's in his power to make Ana all better, but mental illness is not that simple. He is moving too fast for her, and that will have serious consequences in the next few chapters that will force them both to face certain realities before they can get their HEA.