Within These Walls

Chapter 30

Marcus is sitting on Camille's bed when I wake up. The hallway light illuminates his face as he pulls on his shoes. I breathe in and out quietly and watch him, trying not to think of anything else. When he finishes tying his shoelaces, he gets up and heads out of the door. A moment later, I hear him rifling through a drawer in his bedroom.

I roll out of bed and grab what I need before hurrying to the bathroom. The warm water drums against my skin. I tilt my head back, letting it wash over my face until I need to breathe. It feels good on the outside. Inside, I feel beaten and bruised.

Sam. The underground facility. It's all real. I had that conversation with him a month ago. It was the day he told me Maggie Parker isn't my mother; she's nothing more than a stand-in for the one who died because of me. I thought I'd be relieved to know I'm not related to such a cold and unfeeling woman, but all I feel is shattered. I've lost the only mother I've ever had.

Is this what it was like for Carson when he found out he's adopted? Like everything is spinning and there's no way off this ride?

I shut off the water and rake my fingernails through my wet hair, exhaling a shaky breath. I can't deal with that now. I have to focus on what's important. Like the fact that the Takers have been manipulating our lives since birth. They're the reason Marcus and others like him have these strange abilities now. But the Blank . . . they didn't want that to happen. That kid's changes went beyond what the Takers had planned for us. And now we're supposed to sit tight and hope we don't have to fight for our lives against more Blanks—unless we ourselves end up blanking.

It will all be over in about a month, Sam said. That doesn't tell me anything. How do we identify the ticking time bombs before they blank? What do the Takers have in store for us beyond this place? What's their end goal? I was too intimidated by Sam to demand information. Too frazzled to think. A lot of good that's done me now.

When I head back to my bedroom, Marcus is sitting on Camille's bed again. "Hey," he says, a question in his voice.

He senses something's different. A memory slides over the image of him sitting in front of me. I remember looking down at him while he sparred below in the training room, the shiver that passed through me when he gazed up at the window with his dark eyes. Marcus never lived in a group home or with an abusive man named Raymond. He was raised in that place. Him, Alec, Janie, Buzzcut, and Eli.

And Willow. She did this to him. She brainwashed him into forgetting his whole life, just like she made me forget those weekends with Sam.

Marcus's low laugh pulls me back to the present. "Don't bother with excuses. I don't know what changed between now and last night, but I can read the rejection on your face loud and clear."

It takes a moment to understand what he means. He's talking about our conversation last night. It feels like so long ago. Years, eons, ago. He has no idea how much has changed since. He has no idea that we might have to deal with an outbreak of Blanks.

I've spent a lifetime teaching you.

Anger sparks to life inside me. The only thing Sam has ever taught me is how to avoid dealing with my emotions, even in the sanctity of my mind, and give in instead of fighting for what I believe in. What I want.

Marcus gets up from the bed as I approach him with slow steps. The look on his face is neutral, but his shadowed eyes watch me intently. I need to tell him what I've learned, but first, I have to address this.

There's tension squirming in my belly as always, but something's changed. That urge to run away—it's completely gone. I don't know if it's because I've realized I have nothing to lose at this point or because I don't want to be that girl anymore, the one who constantly pushes people away. The one created by Sam.