Where the Mind Wanders

Just Me

I quickly separate my lips and stretch the muscles, using the pads of my fingers on my cheek as a support. I tend to clench my jaw when I'm nervous. Judging by the pain I would guess I've been grinding my teeth for the last seventeen minutes...the same time that he should have been here and that's including a margin of error. What I didn't include in that calculation -- though I should have -- was that he wouldn't show up at all.

I look down at my hands. My fingernails have always been short, because along with the clenching of my jaw I also pick or chew at my fingers. I painted them today. I haven't done that since I was a preteen, but I really wanted to look pretty for him. I always make fun of those girls that spend hours in the bathroom getting ready for a date and yet today I was one of them. I look at the nearby window and catch a glimpse of my reflection. When I left the house I was so sure that all those hours had successfully hidden my imperfections and at least feigned beauty. Looking at myself now, that's really all it is: a lie. I was never beautiful and I was a fool to think that he would ever see me that way.

I stand and straighten my new dress. I know this will be the only time I wear it. The waitress greets me with the eyes which with I am all too familiar. I would probably pity me too if the roles were switched. I quickly give her my apologies for holding the table so long and grab my coat. The snow will be a cold companion this Valentine's evening; I don't really deserve any better.

** ONE MONTH EARLIER **

Jane stretched her spine and watched as the words slowly scrawled onto the screen. Working on the Chat Support team she could see what customers were typing before they even hit enter. This gentleman had been attempting to type for the last five minutes. She had just informed him that he was no longer under warranty and he was then vacillating between guilt trip, stern words, or even cussing her out. She was well over her time for the day and she heaved a sigh of relief as he finally chose the cussing. She quickly informed him that she had to disconnect due to unprofessional behavior and proceeded to clock out.

She rushed toward the exit. She forgot her room key this morning and she knew if she didn't get home before her roommate left to socialize then she would be locked out until midnight. It's only funny the first few times. To her dismay she was unable to zip up her jacket. It was too small...again.

As she pushed open the door she was stopped with the unusual sound of a man grunting. Her focus was broken as she turned apologetically. Her momentum caused her to also run into the door, thus pushing it into his gut once more.

"I am so sorry!" She felt tears well up in her eyes. She was always such a klutz.

"Well, that'll teach me for trying to open the door for a lady on a mission." He chuckled as he rubbed his wound.

"I'm so, so sorry!" She couldn't think of any other words to say. Her hands reflexively reached up and pulled at her pony tail. She did this she was frustrated.

He smiled. "I guess you'll just have to make it up to me. Join me on your lunch break tomorrow."

She was thrown off guard. "Wha-?"

"Meet me here on your lunch break. Just promise you won't be so abusive. I can only take so much." His smile widened, indicating he was joking.

"Uh..." She couldn't even complete a word. At that moment she broke her hair tie and her hair fell in an unflattering mess across her face.

He bent over and picked up the backpack he had dropped. "I won't take no for an answer. Just know if you don't show up tomorrow then all my hopes and dreams will be tragically crushed." He winked and proceeded to enter the building.