You know those clowns going around woods in eastern America scaring the hell out of people? Well Bob's here to fix that. This heroic story shares a tale of a man who tries and kinda succeeds at getting all the children he accidentally made with nume...
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"What in God's name is going on here!?" Bob's younger brother, Ritchie came rushing through the door.
"What are you talking about?" Bob asked.
"Well, for one, you screamed like you just saw the devil, and there is beer splattered everywhere!" Ritchie flung his arms out gesturing to the Television set and the floor, like he said, splattered with beer.
"They're talking about clowns out east trying to take people! And they got weapons and stuff! I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!" Bob exclaimed.
"OH, SO NOOOOW YOU CARE ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE. And how are you gonna do it, man?" Ritchie chuckled "They're all the way on the other coast."
Ritchie propped himself against the doorway, crossing his arms with the look in his eyes as if to say 'I challenge you'
"Hey, man. Don't give me that sh*t. I have kids all over the place. I'll just call up the moms and get them all together and we can attack those pandejos." Bob's only REAL objective was to take out the clowns, so they wouldn't successfully kidnap a woman, so he could have all the fresh opportunities of love partners his little heart could desire. Ritchie laughed again when he heard Bob's proposition.
"Good one, Bob. I think those ladies would love that: The man they thought they would get a commitment from, only to find out it was a one night stand, left in the morning, then found they got pregnant, and THEN some odd years later, he calls up asking if he can use the accidental child to deck 'killer clowns' all the way on the other side of the country." Ritchie was brimming with disapproval and his eyes were on the verge on getting stuck in the back of his skull. But *sigh* he knew he could never change his dear, dear, brother's mind.
"What's wrong with that idea, esé?" Ritchie honestly couldn't hide his disbelief at his brother's thought process.
"Look, man, if the idea of what I just described wasn't a problem enough, how would you get all of ya across the country? Huh?" 'It's starting to be not funny anymore. He's getting serious. He's got that look in his eye. Oh God' He kept thinking.
"I'll get that settled when I find out how many people I'll have in my army." Bob was thinking of the possibilities.
"ARM- Look you're on your own, man. I'm flying this coop." Ritchie pushed off the doorway and walked away mumbling things like 'You crazy' and 'Wait 'till they hear about this one.' . Bob grinned his devilish grin as he watched his brother walk away, thinking of all the serious crap he was gonna pull. He went to the room he shared with Ritchie, pulled out the drawer to his bedside table, and took out his booty-call book, or at least that's what he calls it. He called up all the women in that book. Some would answer the phone with '¡PANDEJO!' and then hung up. Others would hear him out.
"Ay, I think that's sweet that you're concerned about other people, but I'm concerned about MY son." Bob looked down and sighed."Buuut, I will let you if.. you give me $50." She added
"FIFTY DO-" Bob screached.
"That or no deal." Bob regretfully agreed to send a check to her bank.
'Next Day'
It was morning and everyone was sleeping. It was peaceful until.. LIKE 4O FREAKIN PEOPLE SHOWED UP IN THE FRONT YARD. There was a lot of noise outside, so naturally, people woke up. Ritchie sprung up in his bed and dashed to his window. He saw all his unknown neices and nephews standing on his nice, pretty, used to be green, but now, stingy brown, trampled-on lawn. He dashed out of his bedroom in his boxers to find his whole family in the living room moaning, groaning and rubbing their eyes in their pajamas and robes. Babies crying, disoriented little sisters. "BOOOOOOBBBBBBBB...." Connie came out of her room in her curlers growling. "What have you done now, demonio?"
"I am banding my creations together to go out east and defend people from hell-clowns." Bob said slightly proud.
"What the hell is he talking about?" Connie asked her underwear-clad son. Ritchie explained her the situation. Connie nodded.
"Ahhhh. Oh, and-uh, Ritchie,"
"Yeah?"
"Put some clothes on."
"OH!" He looked down and chuckled nervously. "Yeah I'm gonna go do that." Connie stuck out her bottom lip, nodding with a thumbs up. As Ritchie started for his room, his little sisters, Connie Jr and Irma laughed and said 'Nice underwear, dude!'. He flashed them dirty looks as he left. Rosie came out with Brenda.
"Who are all those people!?" Then, what Ritchie had explained to her, Connie explained to Rosie. Bob rubbed his hands as he opened the front door prepairing for his journey.
