Sparks

Chapter 8

CHAPTER 8

The past few days have been terrible. Being mobbed by people, cussed at, screamed at. It was horrific. In District 6, we didn't even get the chance to talk. I spend most of my time in my room, with my head in my knees, trying to process the whole thing. Sometimes Peetas there, sometimes hes not. He respects my need to be alone at times. I try to think so hard about why everyone is so mad at me. I don't understand at all. I thought that we saved them. I saved them. Are they upset that I killed President Coin? Or that its my fault that President Snow died? Or that the rebellion that I led cost thousands of innocent lives. That I understand. Most of the time I just distract myself from the situation. Not by being with Peeta in the way I tried earlier. He still refuses. I sometimes pose for him when he paints or we just sit at the table with Effie and Haymitch while we discuss wedding plans. Aside from every bad thing that has occurred, going to District 4 was the best. I saw my mom, and she congratulated me on my engagement. Sadly she declined my invitation to our wedding in District 12, but that's only because of the memories. But other than that, seeing District 4 made me sad and emotional. I missed Finnick. It made me feel guilty. I didn't deserve to live. Finnick should have lived. He should have lived a happy life with his wife Annie.

But that doesn't hide the fact that our next stop is at distract 2. Where Gale is. I haven't seen, or talked to Gale since the rebellion. He moved to District 2 because be needed a better life. And he would be crushed to see me with Peeta. But I'm hoping that I'll see him in private when we stop there, because I really need to talk to him.

When we stop at District 2, Peeta and I walk to the doors of the train. He links arms with me and winces at the feeling of me trembling. "Katniss? Whats wrong?" He asks with a concerned face.

"Nothings wrong, it's just... I haven't seen him in a long time."

He nods in agreement. He knows what I mean.

When the doors open, we smile, and step off the train.

Once we make it to the stage, we approach the podium. But the weird thing is, everyone's quiet. Standing still. Not even talking at all. It was really strange.

Peeta stands up to the podium, prepared for his speech. "Hello. It's nice to see you all again." He smiles.

As he goes on I stand at his side with a straight face, with my eyes searching the crowds for Gale. He's no where. Then Peeta nudges my shoulder. "Katniss." He whispers. I look at him and his face shows the expression that he's been waiting for me to say something.

"Oh." I step up to the microphone and clear my throat. "Hi. I'm Katniss." I say. Wow. Did I really just say that? "Um, it's nice to be here..." I pause because I see a figure making his way through the crowd to the front. It's Gale. I look down at him with wide eyes and he smiles.

I stand there, frozen. Not able to move. All I want to do is jump off the stage and wrap my arms around him. But I couldn't do that with Peeta here. Especially on my engagement tour.

"Um." I repeat.

"Okay, well it was nice to see everyone." Peeta saves me and waves goodbye. He turns us around so we could leave and I look back at Gale. But he's gone. Was I just imagining it?

Once we get back to the train station, Peeta stops us. "Listen, Katniss. I know you want to talk to him." He says.

"Peeta-"

"Just listen. I called him before we left for the tour." He says.

As if on cue, Gale walks into the station and smiles. "Hey, Catnip." He says.

"Gale!" I scream and run into his welcoming arms. He spins me around and puts me down and holds me tightly. "I missed you." I say as tears stream down my face.

"Oh, Katniss. Please don't cry." He says. Being Gale, he doesn't like seeing me sad.

"I can't- help it- Gale. I'm so- happy to see- you." I start choking and making those awful noises I made when I thought Peeta died in the Quarter Quell. Oh my god. Peeta.

I let go of Gale and turn to see Peeta gone. "Peeta?" I call out to him.

"He wanted to give us some time." Gale said.

I turn back to Gale and hug him again. "Gale. Please come back." I say.

"No, Katniss." He hesitates.

"Please, Gale." I let go of him and look him in the eyes. "You don't know whats happened." I say as his face goes puzzled.

I tell him the same thing I told Haymitch, about the pins and the bodies. I also tell him about all the districts hating me.

"Katniss I don't know whats going on." He says.

"But your from these districts, Gale. Your part of them. You should know why everyone hates me." I say.

"Katniss, as far as I know everyone here is thankful to you. I haven't heard anything of all the other districts." He says.

I let out a small sigh. I need to figure this out.

"Katniss!" I hear Effie call from the train. "Katniss! We need to go we have a schedule!" She continues.

"You should go, Katniss."

"No, Gale. Please come with me."

"Katniss, I can't."

"Why not?"

"You know why not."

I swallow and give him one last hug before getting back on the train.

Once District 2 is out of sight, I go sit at the back of the train. I take out the pins from my pocket. I brought them with me so I could talk to Paylor. I study the back of the pin with words on it. I focus really hard on the words, but I'm not able to make them out.

"Katniss?" I hear Peeta call.

I quickly shove the pins in my pockets again. He walks into the room looking disappointed.

"Whats wrong, Peeta?" I ask.

He sits down on the chair next to me. "Katniss?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't have to marry me." He says with his face down.

"What?" I ask shocked.

"You don't have to marry me." He repeats.

"Why would you say that?"

"Because I saw you, Katniss. You love Gale. I know you love me but I know you want to be with Gale. You guys were meant to be together since you met. Until I came along. Katniss you deserve better than me. I can't do all the things Gale can, but what I can do is love you. That's all I can give you. I can't make neat traps or even shoot a squirrel. That's not me."

What just happened. Is Peeta implying that I love Gale more? It's true, I do love Gale. But not the way I love Peeta. Peeta and I share a feeling together. I feeling of leadership but at the same time fear. We both witnessed together near death and torture. Gale's never felt that. He never protected me in the Hunger Games when Peeta did. Now Peetas saying that he's no good for me. If anything I don't deserve him. Like Haymitch told me I could live a thousand lives and never deserve him. Its true.

"Peeta, you can't do those things. Not if you tried, but that's not something that you nor I should be dissapointed in. Being skilled in hunting is one of the traits I do like, but I'm not going to leave you for not being able to hunt. You protected me Peeta. You saved my life so many times, that I'll never stop owing you."

"Katniss, you don't owe me anything. I save your life because I love you, not because I expect a reward in return."

"I know, it's just you have always been there to save me, and what have I done? What have I done to help you?

"You have done much more than you think, Katniss. You saved me life as well. It's what we do. I save you, you save me." He smiles.

"We saved each other." I say. I said something like that on our victory interview after we won the 74th Hunger Games. It was a lie then, that sent the whole country of Panem on the edge.

He smiles as I lean in and kiss him softly. "Peeta, I would never leave you for anyone. So, next time you say that, I will slap you." I smile.

"Okay." He chuckles.