Complicated

Chapter Twenty Six: Amends

All this time spent in vain
Wasted years
Wasted gain
All is lost
Hope remains
And this war's not over

Trading Yesterday - Shattered

Mac's office had never been as intimidating to Flack as it was now. It had taken every single ounce of his courage to enter the crime lab today and face the people that he worked with. They knew nothing about the events of yesterday but they had watched his descent over the past month and he had ignored their proclamations of concern.

He could see their surprise as he strode down the glass corridors today and Flack understood their apprehension. They were used to seeing him dishevelled and unshaven, coming apart at the seams. Now he was humbled, a reminiscence of his old self. He wasn't anywhere near the whole, secure, person he used to be but he wasn't the same ghostly presence that had been haunting the crime lab or the precinct recently.

Mac was in his office when Flack rapped his knuckles upon the glass door. He gestured for the younger man to enter with the wave of his hand before steadily taking in the other man's appearance as he did.

The clothes he was wearing were freshly laundered and clean. He had compiled a brown jacket over the charcoal grey button up shirt. It returned some of the resemblance to the smartly dressed man Mac was used to seeing at crime scenes. He had shaved at some point during the past twelve hours and it looked like he'd gotten a hair cut too. This was the young man he was used to seeing or at least some part of him.

"Hey Mac." Flack greeted, closing the door behind him.

"I got your message." Mac said, shuffling the stack of reports between his hands. "You wanted to talk?"

Flack bowed his head, interlacing his fingers together in front of him to keep his hands steady. He was a proud man, apologising didn't come easy to him. Mac had done him a solid by wading in to smack some sense into him yesterday. Tough love was exactly what he had needed to understand the mess he had been turning into. The Don Flack of yesterday could barely bring himself to care about anything, today he was feeling everything all too well.

This was the first step to making amends for the position he had forced Mac into and he hoped that the man that he regarded as something of a father figure would find it in his heart to forgive him.

"Actually I wanna apologise." Flack said, raising his gaze to meet Mac's.

Flack recognized the look on Mac's face, in a city where time is money the other man's patience didn't do well to be stretched. Flack didn't want to drag it out any longer than necessary himself. There was still a whole host of grovelling he had to do. He was saving the worst until last.

"This last month, I've been..." Flack searched inside himself for the words he was trying to say. "I've been pretty messed up. You've shown me a hell of a lot of patience and support and you didn't have to."

It hurt to admit that, even thought he knew it was the truth. When he thought about his own deviant behaviour he was both shamed and appalled by his actions, or at least what he remembered of them.

Mac lowered his eyes as he took in Flack's words. He knew what it cost the younger man to admit the depths of his emotions to him, yet Mac was also very weary about what he was about to hear. He didn't want Flack to implicate himself in anyway. Mac hoped that Flack understood that. He couldn't face locking the other man up if anything about his involvement in Simon Kade's death came to life. He suspected as much but without a confession there was no reason to look any deeper into the incident. Flack had been a good guy, maddened with grief and trapped in a terrible position.

Flack rubbed his large hands together as he spoke. It was rare for Mac to see Flack so anxious. He could tell this was hard on him. To be forced to look at his behaviour over the past few weeks had been harrowing for the younger man, but it had been the shock he needed to snap him out of it.