Louis POV
I stared at Harry as he stared deeply back into my eyes. He wasn't breaking the contact and all you could hear was our breathing. I knew he was trying to figure what was really wrong. I knew he wanted to help me but I sensed that he felt he should just leave it.
I sighed and closed my eyes and my heartbeat sped up as I thought about what I just found out two days ago...
I can't tell the boys...not now of course. I know that it will soon no longer be a secret but for now, it will stay hidden.
I bite my lip and try to calm myself down because I know Harry is observing my every move.
At the same time, I feel soft lips on each of my eyelids, Harry obviously wanting me to open them.
But I can't...I can't look him in the eye because I know that I'll break down and tell him everything....which is clearly unacceptable.
I can hear Harry's heart rate increase, under my small hand, as I keep my eyes still closed. Harry steps closer to me and nudges his head against my own. I can feel his curls touch my cheek as he touches his lips to my neck.
"Please.."
I can barely hear him whisper as I can sense that he's afraid I am pushing him away and I no longer want him. Which isn't true...but I just can't look at him or speak to him about it. I know I'll completely lose it.
He moves even closer to me, his torso now on my stomach and his body still inbetween my legs. My calfs touch the end of the counter and he places his large hands on my lower back.
He whimpers when I don't reply and buries his head into my neck. I can tell he's afraid of losing me and I know that it's hurting him....but.....I just can't bring myself to even move. I literally can't speak anymore and I feel like I could puke at any moment.
Harrys breathing quickens and I can feel that he is about to lose it himself.
He needs me.
And yet is still do nothing.
He needs my reassurance.
And still I sit there with no movement.
He needs me to say I'm ok...(even though I'm not)
And all I can do is keep my eyes closed and not say a word.
"Lo-Louis.." Harry's voice cracks and I feel his lip quiver against my neck. He is paining me right now and I can feel my own self start to tear up.
"Harry..." My voice is barely audible and I'm almost possible he didn't hear me.
His hand fists my shirt and we just sit and stand there.
He was literally holding onto me. It might just be my shirt....but I was afraid he actually thought he would lose me if he let go.
I turn my head until my lips touch his ear and his curls touch my nose.
"Harry." I state it quietly and wait for him to move or to look up but this time it's his turn to not say anything.
We don't speak for a couple of seconds before I reach for his hand and place it over my heart that quickens as soon as I can feel the contact.
I place both of my hands over his and his one hand still makes both of mine look out of proportion and tiny.
"If you can feel that...I'm ok. I'm alive. I'm breathing. And it beats for you, yeah?" I say softly as I gain back a bit of confidence because I finally found my voice.
Harry nods his head slowly and then pulls away from my small body to look at me. I can see tears threatening to spill over as he presses the tips of his fingers into my chest.
I feel awful for changing the mood of Harry completely. One minute we can be kissing and laughing and the next I can't even look at him.
But it has nothing to with our relationship.
It's the secret. The secret that will tear us apart. Or at least I think.
I remove my hands from his and place them on either side of his cheeks. We stare into each others eyes and I can literally see the fear in his eyes. The fear of losing me.
I mean I don't blame him for thinking that...I had been extremely sensitive the past two days and there's no doubt in my mind that he thinks he's the reason why I've been so secluded from the rest of the band.
I hate myself for letting him think that.
I shake my head and lean in and kiss his lips softly. He barely gets to register the touch because I pull away quickly. I can feel his breath on my lips and I close my eyes again.
I slowly pull him closer, if possible, by wrapping my legs around his waist and using my strength so our bottom lips are touching.
"Harry."
I take my hands away from his face and I place one in his curls and one on his chest lightly. He stares at me, afraid of what I was going to say next, and I can hear his breath hitch.
"Lou."
He croaks out and I can almost feel my heart break. I peck him softly for reassurance that he won't lose me.
"I don't want you to worry about me. I want you to focus on whats importa-" I get cut off as he pulls away from me slighty and argues.
"You are important Lou. You are so important to me...that's why I'm worrying." He said a little more loudly.
"Babe...baby...I'm fine. Fine. I'm just fine. I-I I'm just a bit stressed over a new tour coming up and our new album just being released.." I sigh because my lying was not very convincing.
"Louis I know that's not what's bothering you. I know damn well." I could see he was growing a bit angry because I wasn't telling him the truth.
"Why won't you tell me?" His voice held such a sound of betrayal and hurt.
I push one of his curls away from his eyes and I sigh. I take a deep breath and look down.
"I can't tell you....because.....because there's nothing to tell. I'm fine."
I didn't even want to see Harrys expression so I closed my eyes and gave him no time to speak.
"I'm fine Harry, really."
I pecked his cheek and slipped off the counter before he could react and I squeezed his hand.
"I'm a bit tired....Goodnight."
I didn't wait for a reply as I made my way up the stairs to my bedroom and stared at the piece of paper sitting on my nightstand. The paper that changed my life and is making me keep a huge secret from everyone.
