Pages Won't Turn

Addison chapter 2

I had been debating getting better after self-injury had taken me down a path I could no longer hide. I was walking with Danica on the beach as the sun was setting. I could hear the crash of the ocean waves on the shore as I stared into the sky. Actually saying I needed help was harder for me to voice. I quietly told her that I had something important to say. She stopped walking and asked what was on my mind. I stood there and said I know I need help to stop burning myself because if I don't I'm scared I'll take it too far. I told her that I found a place in Chicago that I got into but I'm terrified to go. Immediately she told me that she would be the one to drive me to the airport since it would be harder to watch my family drive away.

Two weeks later it was in the early morning when I heard Danica's truck outside my house. I kissed Reese who was still sleeping and said goodbye to Matt. I took the last bit of medicine so I could handle making this trip alone. I hugged Danica goodbye and off I went not exactly sure of this journey I was taking. I was cold the minute I stepped off the plane. I was so used to wearing T-shirts and shorts that I hadn't planned on this as well as I thought I did. It was gray out and the cab ride was long. I don't remember how long I sat in the lobby waiting for someone to take me up to lock me in the ward. I kept telling myself that this is the best place for me to be. Suddenly this nice blond haired woman called my name. I stood up and she asked for my bags. I was told that two other clients were here before me and I would meet them but first I would be shown to my room and she would have to check out all my clothing.

Once the door locked behind me it almost echoed in my ears. I followed quietly and sat on my bed while she told me I might be cold since I'm so used to Florida. I looked down at myself and thought oh well being cold won't be so bad. Finally after I was cleared as being ok to meet the two new friends I would share this journey with I shuffled my feet behind Pam into the kitchen. Two girls were sitting at the table with their heads down coloring as if we were in kindergarten. Pam announced "This is Addison. Addison this is Blair who didn't even bother to look up at me. She had almost bleached blond air. Pam said "Scarlett this is Addison and she's from Florida." Scarlett looked up at me through bronze rimmed glasses and gave me a half smile. I noticed her blue eyes right away and then she looked back down and went back to what she was doing. I wasn't sure what I was going to do with myself while we had free time but hiding in my room seemed like a good idea to me.

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After a few hours my door opened and Scarlett was at my door hopping up and down on one legs then the other. I looked at her thinking what could she want with me? She cocked her head to the side and smiled while she asked me if I would like to come out and play? I couldn't help but smile and say of course that sounds like fun. So I went out to the living room and she had set up the game candy land. I thought to myself this is new because I am 26 years old and I can't remember the last time I played this game. It was like she was bringing back the childish person I had hardly let myself experience. Being silly and making jokes took the stress out of us being there for a much more concerning problem. I had a cousin named Scarlett and we were never close so I asked Scarlett what if she went by any nicknames. She looked up and said Scar. I thought right away ok I'll call you Scar. That was that and from that point on I never said Scarlett when talking to her.

It was hard to have to learn quickly that I was going to share what I hid for my whole life with strangers. If I couldn't tell my family how did they think this would be easier? Then as the days went on I would sit across from Scar and just focus on her when I shared the really hard things. We developed our own way of communicating when we couldn't speak out loud. If I was almost on the verge of tears I would notice she would wink at me. There were so many times that I wanted to slip away but there was this connection between us that always enticed me to stay. I noticed quickly that almost everyone there wore long sleeves to hide what they did to themselves. I couldn't because in Florida people would have thought I was crazy for wearing long sleeves. I wasn't exactly finding the need to hide since we all suffered in our own ways.