Dear Heart [on hold]

Chapter Three

What am I doing?

I don't even know what kind of job I want and here I am getting a little giddy inside about a boy. What is wrong with me? I shouldn't have talked to him first. Oh who am I kidding? I shouldn't have talked to him at all. Well, not anymore at least. Maybe if I just randomly stop talking to him he'll get tired of even trying - like he tried this morning.

The two periods after my Math class were two that I didn't have to share with Drew (which I was really thankful for) but I did see him a while ago since it's lunch time. Although, I don't think he saw me.

"Hey, you seem like you've been, like, extra thinky today. What's up with you?" Tiffany inquired as we walked towards her usual table. I'd usually sit alone in the corner table reading a book but sadly, I had forgotten the book I was currently reading at home. So, only for today, I had to be careful with what I say to Tiffany.

"I've just been stressed," I lied.

"Why don't you come over on Saturday? Maybe we can go to a spa."

"My mom wants me to babysit my brother on Saturday," I lied again.

I know she's just trying to help even though I haven't really been stressed, I mean, I really do appreciate the gesture, it's just that whenever we hang out it'll usually just be her talking and me listening. It's not that big of a deal because I'm not going to spill all my thoughts out to her but sometimes she tells stories that she's already told me. It's like she's trying to keep the one-sided conversation going no matter what.

Ugh, I know, I'm a terrible person. It's like I'm always on my period. One moment I'm actually friends with someone and having a good time, then the next moment it's like I absolutely hate the person.

Once Tiffany and I got to the table, I stopped talking and Tiffany stopped talking to me. She knew about my "fear" of guys and trust me, when I say that there were always a lot of really good looking guys at this table, there were. This table is like the popular table.

I guess now you're wondering why Drew's not sitting here at this table. Well, to be completely honest, this table is like - how do I word this nicely - the not-so-smart popular table. These are all the people who get other students to do their homework for them. Either by flirting the person into it, or threatening them. These people always have something against you. It's terrifying, really. But since I'm "best friends" with Tiffany, none of them try to threaten or flirt with me to do their homework and Tiffany knows not to even try to ask me because I'd give her a lecture about this stuff. I did it the first time she asked me and then she didn't want to ask me again afterwards.

As I quietly ate my lunch, the guys and girls talked like I wasn't there. I think I even heard my name but I chose not to look up. Making eye contact with at least one of the guys across from me would probably give me a heart attack. Most of them have such gorgeous and perfect eyes - as I've seen from afar. I mean, they have long eyelashes and either sea blue, forest green, or hazel eyes.

When I finished my lunch, I quickly got up and threw out my garbage and placed the tray at the top. As I walked towards the door that lead to the hallway, I checked the time on the clock above the door. According to that clock, I still had twenty minutes left of lunch. Once I was out of the cafeteria, I headed straight for my locker. I honestly didn't know what I was doing at my locker but I guess I just thought I should go to it, you know?

Have you ever had those moments when you were walking and walking and when you stop, you have no idea why you're there? It's like you're legs just took over and brought you somewhere they wanted to go and you're just left wondering why they brought you there. I mean, I have nothing that I need to do at my locker. Fourth period doesn't start for twenty minutes and I can't get a book from my locker because I forgot mine at home - and I don't like starting a book then starting a new one - so why am I here?