Cali Bound//Our2ndLife

♡Chapter 27♡

(two weeks after the blowout)

Connor's POV

I stared out the window of my bedroom blankly looking at all the people passing by. Why can't that be me? Just a nobody, no one knew who I was besides my family and friends, no fans bombarding me constantly, no society judging me every time I upload a video. Why can't that be me?

Why can't I be happy? Hakuna matata you know? I wouldn't worry about anything. Not about me, not about O2L, not about the fans, not about anyone. I just kind of wish I could fill in as someone else who isn't famous or depressed. Just for a day, a day is all I need. Just a day where I'm not me, not Connor Franta. 

I looked at the height difference between my window and the street. So far. I looked at the boring old side sidewalk in deep thought. I wonder what it feels like to jump. To hit the ground. Do you feel it when you hit the ground or are you out before you do? Do you always die from it or can you survive? I thought about it for a good hour and a half before choosing what I wanted to do. 

I was going to jump. 

I would go far, far away and jump off the highest building I found. 

It's the right thing to do right? I lost Morgan forever, you know she hates me. I lost Sam because of her, I lost Ricky because Morgan won't let him talk to me. I lost Lexie from infatuation. I lost tons of fans since I haven't been making videos, I am bound to lose the rest of the guys. It's just a matter of time. 

I got up off my bed and headed over to where my camera was standing. I brought it over to a good filming spot and set it on the tripod. I clicked the record button and backed away a bit. This was it. I don't know where this video would go but I hope the guys would see it at least.

"Hey guys, it's me. I just wanted to make this video for closure, I didn't want to just leave without an explanation." I said quietly. "I wanted to say a little something to each of you, just a little message for everyone, I'll start with Sam." I said. 

"Sam, I know you don't care anymore, but I do. You are such a funny guy, and you're always there when someone needs you and you won't judge or tell anybody else. You are always so happy even though you go through so much. I know you probably hate me, and you might not even watch this, but just know that I love ya man. You're a really good guy." I said. 

"Ricky. Man Ricky, where do I start? I've been the closest to you for so long and I'm glad we had the friendship we did. You always knew how to brighten my day. I mean, there would never be a dull moment without you. You are probably the nicest most humble and genuine person I've ever met. You really work hard for the things you do, and you really care for your friends. I don't know man, I love you bro." I said with a few tears. I wiped them away and then moved on. 

"Kian. Bro, you are the funniest guy in the world. The smallest things you say make my day, and I couldn't thank you enough for the things you've done to help me. I love you man, and keep Andrea tight. She's a good girl, and I know that you love her. Don't let that go." 

"Jc. You're the chillest person I've ever met, you're so carefree and you've taught me so much. Not to care what people think and not to let things get to me. You're so humble about the smallest things, and that's something I admire. I hope you have fun traveling the world one day, love you bro." I told him with tears still trying to come out. 

"Trevor. You're so full of life all the time, and I wish I had as much energy as you. Everywhere you go you sing and dance. You do the craziest things in front of people in public and don't give one fuck what they think, and I wish that's something I could do. You're like a little brother, and I know you look up to me. But please don't make the mistakes I have Trevor. I love you so much little man, I hope to see you winning a Grammy one day." I said.