Youth. ~Jolex~

That we'll die before he gets there.

I lay down on the resident's locker room bench. Stephanie lays next to me.
"Jo, get up."

I remain silent.

"Jo, I said, Get up."

I remain silent

"Jo I get it your sad but you can't stay here forever. You aren't even a resident anymore!"
"Alex is in the attendings lounge laying on the couch. I'm in the residents lounge on the bench."
"Jo you're being ridiculous."

I remain silent.

"I give up."

Steph walks away and shuts the door. I hear mumbling outside the door. Dr.Webber walks in.

"Hi Jo. I have a surgery that you might want to scrub in on?" He suggests.
"No." I firmly answer.
"Ok. Well how about we get up and look at the patient?"
"No."
"Dr. Wilson, You need to get up right now."

I keep my silence.

"Wilson, I understand what it feels like to love someone who's already moved on. For me, it happened to work out but right now it seems like it never will. My wife left me and I gave up everything for her. Alex left you and you gave up everything for
him. Including your dignity. But now its time to get up and live your life."

I sit up and ask, "Where do I go from here? Do I start dating again? What do I do?"
"Right now you go scrub in on a surgery. After that you go home and get some rest. That's all you have to worry about right now."
"Thank you Dr.Webber." I say as I push my tears away.
"Now if you don't mind I have to go get your ex-husband off the attendings couch."

I laugh. Dr. Webber closes the door and walks away

Ex-husband. That word creeps down my spine and leaves me to a cold shiver. Alex is my ex.

oOo

I lay restless on my bed tossing and turning. Normally Alex would ease me by laying next to me and putting his hand over my shoulder. He can't do that anymore. He's my ex. I finally give up and open my eyes. I stare at the ceiling. I sit up and get a glass of water. I stop once I see my fridge. Its a picture of me and Alex. Before the whole DeLuca mess. Before the affair. Before our divorce. When we first moved in. My arms were wrapped around him and my head rested on his shoulder. He had the biggest grin that matched mine. Ex-husband. That word echoes through my head. It grows louder and louder until the weight of the Earth comes shattering on me. I drop to my knees and scream. I scream as loud as I can. I don't have any neighbors so I scream. I scream until all my breath is gone. I scream.
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