art. [joey trotta]

ten; panic

We were up on the rooftop for what felt like hours, my head rested on joeys shoulder, both of us pointing out the constellations we knew and finding different shapes in the stars. He reached up and pointed out a group of stars.
"now that looks like a batch of cookies, like mom used to make." He went silent immediately after realising what he said.
" Liv, I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking." He spoke.
I sat up and wiped a tear out of my eye.
"It's fine, it's fine" I whispered, breaking down into tears mid sentence.
He pulled me into a hug and held me as I sobbed into his shoulder.
"No it's not fine, you've been through to much" he whispered, rocking me back and forward to try and stop me crying.
We pulled out of the hug and I finally felt I could tell him anything and he wouldn't judge me. I took a deep breath and spoke.
"I get panic attacks, especially since mom died, I'd always had them, even when I was younger, I mean I've learnt to live with them but sometimes... " I spoke, still sniffing and trying to compose myself.
"Sometimes, they get bad, Derek and billy know, they know how to stop them as well."
"Let me help, tell me how to stop them, so if they do happen I can help" he smiled.
"All I have to do for mine is focus on someone's voice and breath in and out" I smiled slightly, wiping my eyes, finally dry of tears.
He pulled me in for one last hug when we finally went back down into the dorms.
We said our goodbyes and I walked back to my room, realising I was still wearing Joeys hoody he had given to me when I was cold. I decided I'd give it back in the morning and went to sleep.

Joey

How could I have been so fucking stupid? You just had to go and open your big mouth and ruin it didn't you. I was so pissed I had said something about mothers, she probably hates me now. I sighed and walked into the dorm, confronted by an unhappy looking Billy.
"What's up?" I asked, lying on my bed.
"Oh nothing, you know just the fact that Phil left because of a fucking terrorist threat and you don't blink a fucking eye" he yelled.
"Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do? Question the authorities? Beg him to stay?" I yelled back.
"Jesus Christ, ever since you started hanging out with Olivia you've barely even talked to any of us" he yelled.
"Are you jealous, are you actually fucking jealous?" I spoke, no longer yelling.
"I'm not jealous, I just don't want her to get hurt" he spoke, looking down at the floor.
"I'm not going to hurt her, Jesus why can't people get that through their heads" I replied.
"It's because we know how you are with girls Joey, I've seen it happen multiple times and I've also seen it happen to her" he yelled.
"What do you mean 'happen to her'?" I replied.
"Two years ago, she had an insane crush on Ricky Goldie, she adored him and when she was thrown to the side after doing his homework and covering for him when he skipped school she had no idea where she'd gone wrong, that dude was an asshole, sorry to say it but we all know you did that with Rebecca Holden back in grade school."
"This is different, I don't know why, it just is" I replied, feeling worse about myself by the minute.
"Whatever man, but if you hurt her, Derek won't be the only one kicking your ass for it" billy spoke, jumping onto his own bed and switching out the light. I sat on my bed once again and thought about Olivia, I wasn't using her, was I?

Olivia

I woke up early the next morning, still ecstatic from the night before, I got dressed, throwing on a plain white shirt and my long denim dungarees that reached just above my ankle, I slipped my navy blue converse on and headed to the cafeteria for breakfast, Joeys hoodie in my arms. I noticed Billy sat with snuffy, hank and Ricardo and walked over to them.
"Hey, where's Joey?" I said, sitting down and wondering why he wasn't there.
"I don't know, seemed a little uh distracted this morning though" Billy spoke, not making eye contact. All the boys were avoiding eye contact with me and seemed really shifty about something, feeling puzzled I sat down next to Billy and sipped on a cup of coffee. Billy stood up and slid me a plate of toast.
"You, are going to eat all that okay? we're not having you starve whilst you stay here" he said, ruffling my hair and patting my shoulder before leaving.
"Jesus man, I've never seen Billy act that way before" I heard Snuffy whisper to Ricardo.
I frowned slightly and started on a slice of my toast. I looked up to be met with the gaze of all three boys who remained at the table. Almost immediately each of their eyes shifted to someplace else in the room, Hank started whistling and was staring at the ceiling. Snuffy coughed and looked down at his lap, twiddling his thumbs and Ricardo tried and failed to actually stand up and leave, tripping at the last second on the bench and stumbling into the wall.
"Okay, is someone going to tell me what's going on with you guys?" I asked, setting my toast down in the plate.
"Why can't any of you make eye contact with me and where the hell is Joey?"
As if on cue, Joey Trotta, the boy with that goddamn perfect smile, sprinted over to our table, skidding slightly to come to a halt.

Really thought it was over? 3 years later and here's an update that I found in my drafts, expect big things to be coming though x