Monster [malexmale]

Chapter Seven

Chapter Seven

I don't think I'd ever felt so sick in my entire life.

I could barely find the words to describe the disgust and filth that was swirling around in my head as I sat on the sofa, knees curled to my chest, hot tea in my hands as Abel sat on the sofa beside me, holding his mug and staring down into it, looking pale and exhausted.

It was probably six in the morning now.

Abel had shown up earlier than five minutes and had been here since four. I told him about what happened with Epimetheus, with Hannibal. I told him about the things with Dimitri, the wanted posters, and I told him everything Hannbial and I had done. But most of all, everything Epimetheus had told me.

And Abel's silence confirmed the thing I feared most.

Hannibal was a monster.

The cold realization in my stomach made me ill, made me want to curl up and just bleach myself down to get rid of any touch of his that I could still feel. Thinking about all the things we'd done together, all the talks and the sex and the dancing, none of it seemed like a dream anymore; it was all just a horrible nightmare that I would give anything to forget.

"Akin," Abel said softly, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you." I looked at him incredulously, setting my tea down and facing him so I could put my hands over his on the mug of tea that was cold by now.

"No, Abel, don't apologize. I know why you didn't tell me, and it's all right, please. None of this is your fault. Absolutely none of it. It was my fault for being a blind puppy on a leash." I assured him, stroking his hands. He shook his head and looked up at him, his expression heartbroken and just making me hurt even worse for him.

"But your relationship with Hannibal--"

"It doesn't exist," I told him sternly, making him look at me in confusion, "It was a stupid, stupid thing of me to do. I should have never gotten involved with someone like that. I kicked him out, I told you that, didn't I? I made sure to wipe his memory of where I live too, so now he can't find me again. And I erased his memory of where you live, just to make sure. How is he not even behind bars?" Abel looked pained by that and I wasn't quite sure why. He looked down at his tea, blue eyes searching the murky dark depths of it as he reached up to tuck a lock of navy hair behind his ear.

"Akin, I don't want to talk about that. I don't want to talk about me. It happened a while ago. It doesn't--"

"Don't tell me it doesn't matter," I said in irritation, "Abel, something horrible happened to you and I was too stupid to even see it. I'm a horrible friend for not noticing it in the first place, for not being able to help you. And it was incredibly heartless of me to actually date the monster and not realize it." Abel winced.

"Akin, please. I'm worried about you. You guys were so close."

"It was fake," I told him tightly, "My mother always told me that the real monsters always wore the masks of kindness. Hannibal wasn't real, Abel."

"But--"

"I don't want to talk about him anymore. It's just making me sick to my stomach. I just want to be with my best friend. Can we do that?" I asked. Abel was silent for a moment, then reluctantly nodded, but I could tell he was still uncomfortable. And honestly, so was I. Even though I was the one who said I didn't want to talk about Hannibal, I still found myself wanting to babble on and on about him. I wanted to know how this kind of thing could have happened. How could Hannibal have done such an awful thing to someone so wonderful? How could Hannibal even go on living knowing he'd done something that?