SETTING: It is April 30, 2014 in Auldearn, Scotland. DALLAS FLEMING meets with his cousin PETER in the main office of their distillery. A large Auldearn Scotch logo hangs on the wall. Next to it hangs a picture of Dallas and Martin Sherwood in his dark glasses. PETER enters while DALLAS is seated at a desk.
DALLAS FLEMING
Did you see your father yet?
PETER
No. Was I supposed to?
DALLAS FLEMING
He has some very good news.
PETER
Dallas - I've been on the road, selling for three days. I'm tired. Do I need to track him down or can you just tell me the good news?
DALLAS FLEMING
Our Friends in Kentucky called.
PETER
Go on...
DALLAS FLEMING
They're coming out with a Tennessee Whiskey. They want us to distribute it throughout the United Kingdom.
PETER
No way! Really?
DALLAS FLEMING
We've done a fantastic job with their Kentucky Bourbon so this is the next logical step. Things are only going to get better.
PETER
Dallas! This is unbelievable! I wish I had known a few days ago. A new product is always great for a sales trip. Which one is Tennessee? It's close to Kentucky, right? Are they anywhere near New York or Miami?
DALLAS FLEMING
How should I know? I don't know American geography.
(PETER studies a world map hanging on the office wall)
PETER
But what about Tollie Maxwell's American tour with Nirvana in 1994? Didn't you learn anything when the band toured the country?
DALLAS FLEMING
No. Nothing.
PETER
Dallas, Tollie Maxwell traveled all over the U.S. Surely you picked up something.
DALLAS FLEMING
We rehearsed for a week outside of Atlantic City. We rode all over the country in a bus. We came to a place called Texas where no one believed that a guy named "Dallas" could possibly come from England. We finished four months later in Atlantic City. That's what I picked up. Oh. I also picked up Tony Sherwood quite often - from gutters, toilets, bar floors, and most often - his own piss and vomit. He spent most of the bloody tour kaylied up to his ass!
PETER
I see I touched that raw nerve again. I'll stop before you go off about your lost royalties.
DALLAS FLEMING
Don't light me up about the filthy bastard. Larry Harmon, my tartan ass. That filthy bastard ripped our hearts out. We sold the entire Tollie Maxwell catalog to him for nothing. Not half a quid in royalties for eighteen years. Filthy bastard!
(Dallas looks at the picture of himself and Martin)
It wasn't supposed to be this way.
PETER
Come on. Settle down. You're with your family. You have your health. We have a thriving business. And you live in the most beautiful place in the world. Count your blessings.
DALLAS FLEMNG
You're right. Things are good and I love it here.
(DALLAS FLEMING sings "In a Big Country" by Big Country.)
YOU ARE READING
My Song
General FictionWhen a contestant from a weekly-televised American singing competition chooses an obscure song from the equally obscure British rock 'n' roll band, Tollie Maxwell, her rendition becomes an international hit. The surviving members of the band find t...
