Heliotrope

Chapter 6: Queen Anne's Lace

"No, no!" I was screaming the tower down. "I'm sick of it, Ash! Let me live!"

"Let you live? Let you live?" He repeated, scaring me with his tone of voice. "What do you think I'm fucking doing?"

"You're putting me down about every. Single. Fucking. Thing. Ash!" Blood pumped to my head and I wanted to do something crazy like throw a base or something, but then I remembered that this wasn't our house. Our house was a playpen compared to this. Kid's stuff. We still were kids, to be honest, but some how we had ended up married and it just went up and down and up and down like a toddler having a tantrum.

I got like this a lot, though. We would argue, but then we would make up. All couples argued, it was completely normal. That didn't change the fact that I knew in my heart that we were meant to be together. Our of all the beautiful girls he knew, he chose me. He wanted me.

He wanted me. He needed me. He loved me.

And those were the three things I would play on repeat to ensure my terrified self that everything was okay. But now...

"I wish I would have never met you, Serena. You ruined my life."

...Now I couldn't tell myself that anymore. He just messed it all up. He had to go and the one thing I had been sure I was destined to have since I was younger than Bonnie. Everything we had worked for was going to shit. Could we really keep living like this?

"How, Ash, how?" The mascara I had out on that morning must have been running down my chin at that moment in time. "You think you have it so bad? Huh? You married me when I was only eighteen and you've been like a ball and chain just dragging me down. Making me insecure, constantly telling me I'm not good enough-"

"Well you're not!"

That stung. It felt like a snake had bitten me in the hip and I was curled up on the desert floor, just waiting to slowly die, for everthing to end.

"You're an evil bastard! Your childhood best friend turns eighteen today and he has no clue where his sister is, but you would rather call your wife names than give him a simple "Happy birthday!" Would it really be so hard?"

He went redder than I had ever seen him. I backed away, panicking. I knew Clemont was listening from the other room. He was probably making sure Ash didn't get carried away and do something crazy. "Clemont, huh?"

"Well who else?"

"You've been sleeping with him... YOU'VE BEEN FUCKING SLEEPING WITH HIM!"

I cowered down onto the floor. The idea of... That. It was just revolting to me. How could somebody do that their partner? If you aren't in love with somebody, why would you marry them just to cheat? "No! No! No! Ash, I love you! I would never do that to you."

"BULLSHIT!"

"No! No! No!" I was still on the floor, in my little cowardly corner, with my arms above my head. I had said the word 'no' so many times it didn't even sound like a word anymore.

He yanked my wrist so I was at my feet, still shaking with a million different emotions at once. "Don't lie!"

"A-Ash! I promise! I love you! Clemont means nothing to me, and I mean nothing to him-"

"No you don't."

"What do you mean?"

"He admitted to me that he's been in love with you this entire fucking time." And he walked away from me. He walked into the bedroom we had been sharing and threw all of his clothes into his suitcase.

"Ash!" I called after him. "Ash, why are you being like this with me?

"Because I made a mistake, Serena." He shouted back. "I made the mistake of marrying you."

I was so broken, everything seemed so surreal. We argued before but never as bad as this. My heart had well and truly been snatched from my chest and thrown to the ground, shattered in a million pieces. I watched him take everything he had in his suitcase, "Where are you going?"

"Back to Kanto, because you'd obviously much rather be with Clemont than me-"

"ASH, I NEVER-"

"Whatever you say, Serena." He opened the door. "Goodbye." and he left. I didn't follow him.

I just sat there on the floor with wet eyes. My husband. This was it. Really? After everything... This was it?

Clemont tiptoed back into the room, trying to avoid my gaze, but I spoke loudly and clearly, "Is it true?"

"Is what true?" He offered me a hand and I took it. I dusted off myself.

"That you've had feelings for me this entire time?"

He paused. He closed his eyes in shame. He spoke up, quiet, almost silent. "Yes."

I didn't bring that up, again. I just tackled him into a messy embrace, feeling so cold, just longing to feel the warmth of some-one's arms. "Can I stay here for a while? I don't want to speak to him, yet."

He ran a hand through my hair, "Of course."

"Thank-you." I let go, after having him hold me for far, far too long. For what I knew was too long for a married woman. But I felt like a part of me had died, and Clemont's soft voice and gorgeous eyes could be the only way to bring it back. Guilt punched me in the gut. I had felt like this for Clemont many times before, after I had argued with Ash. It never lasted. It was probably just me being ridiculous after I had gotten emotional. Girls got over-emotional too easy, Ash had told me that. I agreed. I agreed with anything and everything he said or did, no matter how wrong it was. "I'm going to wash my face."

And I marched back into the cold, into the bathroom, and stared at my sinful, guilty reflection in the mirror.