Because Of You

Chapter 9

Esposito, Beckett, Castle and Malone burst into the small room. Upon hearing the noise, Ryan turns around. Immediately he locks eyes with his partner. The mob boss also turns around, but makes no effort to stand up. It's as if he doesn't care the NYPD is raiding his house.

"Michael McConnell, you are under arrest for the kidnapping of NYPD Detective Kevin Ryan and I'm sure we can find a few other charges to go along with that. Such as murder" Beckett announces as she walks over to Mick.

It's at this point that the mob boss stands, giving his son a small smile as he puts his hands above his head.

"You're mistaken detective-" Mick starts with a cocky tone.

"-It's Captain Beckett and I'm really not. I'm pretty sure Detective Ryan here will not see this as a mistake. Isn't that right, Ryan?" Beckett finishes with confidence.

"Actually Beckett, he's telling the truth, he didn't kidnap me. I wasn't being held here against my will. You can let him go" Kevin admits as his blue eyes meet those of his father's.

A tiny part of him wants to smile back at his father. Only a small part, but it's enough to make him feel guilty for even thinking about smiling. All his friends stare at him, but he can't seem to tear himself away from Mick's gaze. The cop in Kevin can't believe he's letting this mob boss walk, especially since he knows what sort of reputation he has. Although, technically speaking, Mick hasn't done anything wrong, at least not in this case or anything that can be proven with absolute certainty. What Ryan does know with absolute certainty is that without those Irish mobsters watching over him who knows where he would be right now and if he'd even still be alive.

"What?! Are you being serious right now?!" Esposito snaps. This is enough to turn Ryan's head.

"Javi, I'm okay. I'm not pressing charges against him so you can let him go" Kevin reiterates his point, much to everyone's shock.

"I'm afraid I can't do that, Ryan. Regardless of whether or not you press for the kidnapping charges, McConnell still has to explain how we have CCTV footage of his guys shooting and killing three men" Beckett retorts as she hands over the responsibility of reading a handcuffed Mick McConnell his rights to a uniformed officer.

Ryan goes to argue, but Mick flashes his blue eyes in his direction. Strangely they seem to calm him. Now Ryan understands what people mean when they say his eyes are very relaxing. Mick is lead out of the room ushered by officers and detectives.

"Malone, would you mind giving us all a minute?" Castle gestures towards the door.

Malone catches on, he nods then hastily exits the room. Now all that are left with Ryan are Esposito, Beckett and Castle.

"What the hell was that, Ryan?" Captain Beckett questions in a very harsh tone. One that she has never used with Ryan before. It's kind of bordering on the tone she uses with perps she interrogates in the box!

"Beckett, I am not about to let McConnell get punished for something he didn't do!" Kevin exclaims in slight annoyance.

Deep down he knows his team have every right to question him on his motives for not helping incriminate one of the most infamous mob bosses in New York. Some how he just can't bring himself to tell them the truth. They're cops after all. Well, Castle technically isn't, but Ryan looks up to him. The detective just doesn't think he can bring himself to tell his friends right now, especially Javier. With everything that's going on at the moment, he hasn't even had time to discuss his feelings with his partner.

"He's not exactly innocent. McConnell is suspected of ordering the hits of dozens of people and his men killed three people just to get to you!" his captain tells him, raising her voice more.

"Yeah, he probably is guilty of ordering those hits, but he's not guilty of kidnapping me. I'm perfectly fine. Look, not even a scratch!" Ryan argues. Conflicting thoughts race through his mind. Now is not a good time to be interrogating him about feelings, which he himself hasn't even accepted yet.

"Kev, what is with you? You're sticking up for a mob boss now? What gives? Did he threaten you?" Esposito questions, voice laced with both concern and frustration.

The questions come one after the other. No pausing to catch his breath. It's clear he's very distressed. It pulls at Kevin's heart strings, but his emotions are running high at the moment too. Shame and guilt loom over him. Ryan pushes down all these brimming feelings. As well as the urge to tell his friends everything that's happened.

"No, he didn't threaten me. Can you all just drop it?" Kev sighs heavily "I've had a really long day and I'd rather not talk about it if you don't mind"

Ryan flicks his blue eyes up. It's those irresistible puppy dog eyes. They all try to resist them, but it's the writer who falls into them quickest as he says "Alright Ryan. You're right. You've been through a lot today. Let's all just head back to the precinct"

Stuck in the same car, the four head back to the 12th in silence. None of them know what to say to their Irish friend. Kevin in turn doesn't know what to say to them. Sitting on the back seat with Espo he allows his mind to wander. The people in this car with him are his best friends. Family even. Kevin no longer feels worthy sitting beside them. How can he? Now he knows he has a mob boss for a father. A man who kills and hurts people. Ryan shares his blood. It makes him so uncomfortable even thinking about it. The detective feels contaminated.

Strangely enough, despite these negative feelings towards Mick, he still feels a sense of loyalty towards him. A strange bond has formed. Neither man can explain it. Morals are starting to be questioned. At the forefront of his mind, Kevin starts to reevaluate his own principles. These are the principles he's lived by all his life.

The conflicted detective is brought back from his dark thoughts by a warm sensation on his leg. Glancing down, he sees his partner's leg pressed into his own. This is Esposito's way of communicating with him. No words necessary. Ryan decides to play along. Returning the gesture, he knocks his knee gently into Esposito's. It's subtle enough so Beckett and Castle don't see it. Neither of them look at one another. The two begin their silent conversation. Shuffling along the backseat as they do so.

The movement suddenly stops. Espo frowns. The sudden loss of contact means his partner no longer wishes to communicate with him or at least that's what he thinks. Instead, another connection is made. It's different from the last few times. This warm sensation encases his hand. Kevin has taken his hand in his own and laced their fingers together. Esposito can't help but blush slightly.

Plucking up the courage, he looks at Kevin. The other detective continues to stare out the window. Espo smiles. The look on his partners face is content. It makes a nice change from all the worry that had previously been etched into his features. As Ryan stares out of the window, holding on to his best friend's hand, all he can think about is why he grabbed it in the first place. Out of all the overwhelming events that have happened today there has been one constant thought in the back of his mind. That one thought has been Javier. All he wants, all he needs, is his partner.