Shattered Soul

Am i that bad?

Alex doesn't remember anything that happened before age five. It all passed in a blur. The birthdays, family trips to Disney, everything. Every memory before November 17, 2007 was seemingly erased.

That day was very important that's why she remembered it, its the day her dad left. She was a crying mess. 'It's all my fault' she would tell herself. 'I'm the reason he left' having your father figure leave at only age five that feels like the end of the world.  She doesn't know why he left, was she that horrible that even her own father hated her enough to leave?

It all happened fast. Alex heard yelling coming from her parents room but she was used to it. That's sad in its self. No child should be used to hearing the yelling of their parents filling the house. Alex heard a loud slapping noise and everything went quite. Dakota, her older brother, looked at Alex with a worried face. Alex didn't know why, so she quickly went back to working on her drawing of a butterfly she was making for her dad. She put down her colored pencils when she finished coloring the butterflies last wing, as she did this she heard her parents bedroom door fly open. The force probably left a hole in the wall. Alex hurriedly got up to go give her dad the drawing. She was so proud of the drawing and the effort she put into it.

Alex stopped dead in her tracks as she saw her dad with a bag slung over his shoulder.
"Daddy, where are you going with that bag?" Alex questioned. There was no response from her dad just sadness in his eyes.
"Also daddy! I made this for you! Is a blue butterfly! Do you like it?!" Alex said excitedly as she shoved the drawing in his face.
"Yeah I like it sweets." Her dad said calmly but was soon followed with a tear running down his cheek.
"Daddy don't cry! Why are you crying. Is my drawing bad." Alex said with a pout
"No not that sweets, it's just.." Alex's dad stopped mid sentence and started balling. "Come here darling, I need a hug." Her dad said with tears running down his face as he knelt to the ground. They hugged for a few minutes. Alex had no clue why, she just was happy to help her dad stop crying. They finally split apart when there was a loud honk heard from right outside the front door. Her dad started crying again.
"Daddy what's happening? Who's outside?" Alex asked
" Alex, I have to go." Her dad said
"Ok daddy but when are you coming back? I'll draw a dog while you're gone!" Alex said with excitement
"That's the thing sweets, I don't think I am coming back. Me and momma got into an argument and I have to leave." Her dad said quickly, almost so fast that Alex almost didn't catch what he said, but she did, and she started crying.
"But daddy don't go I need you and momma! Don't leave me!" Alex said while crying and hiccuping.
"I'm sorry, I love you, bye." Her dad said and gave her a long kiss on the forehead. Then he got up and walked out the door. It took Alex a few minutes to realize what just happened, her small brain almost couldn't comprehend it. When she finally caught up to what happened she ran out the door in hope of catching her dad.
"Daddy wait you forgot your-" it was too late, the car was driving away, she could barely make out the color of the car because her vision was clouded with all the salty tears.
"You forgot your picture"  Alex whispered as she collapsed on the ground, shaking and crying her eyes out.
"I miss you already daddy" Alex spoke quietly as she passed out due to fatigue which was caused by the tears and stress.

Alex remembers hearing her mom cry herself to sleep every night. That was probably the worst part. Alex would always try to make her mom happy by painting her a picture or by cleaning. Her mom would always plaster on a smile that was clearly fake and just act happy, but Alex knew her mom was upset, Alex heard the cries from her moms room every night. It hurt Alex, she would always think she wasn't good enough, not even for her mom or dad.