I'm Not Gay

I'm Not Gay. Except That I Really Am.

I'm Not Gay. Except That I Really Am.

The walk up his driveway was a quiet one. Dean refused to look at me and hell, I refused to look at him. I mean, Dean was my best friend. He was the first person I came out to, so to be here, heading inside his house knowing that we were going to kiss, it was...well, it was weird. 

"Want anything to drink?" Dean asked casually, tossing his brown leather jacket onto the couch. And I would've fallen for his act if I hadn't of notice the way his hands shook, eyes darting nervously around the room as if he'd rather be any other place than here.

I sighed. "Dean, you don't have to-"

"Straight to business then, huh?" He cut off, forcing a smirk on his face. "Alright, I'm down, let's go to my room, kay?" And before I could respond he rushed off in the direction of his bedroom, the sound of his footsteps echoing in the house.

"Dean..." I sighed again, shaking my head before reluctantly following after him. Alright then. If he wanted to do this then fine, we'd do it. No sweat off my balls.

But even as I told myself that, I couldn't help but pause in the doorway of his bedroom, eyes glued to Dean's back as he stared out his bedroom window. It was dark, the moonlight barely providing any light for us, but I think that was for the best. From the look on Dean's face, he probably didn't want to see what was about to happen next.

If it even happened.

"You ready?" Dean asked quietly and when I refused to answer him, he finally turned his gaze to me. Green eyes murky and clouded. "Sammy?"

"You don't have to do this," I told him, gesturing between the two of us. "It's okay, Dean."

"Sammy..."

"I mean it. You really don't have to." His expression softened.

"You sure?" He asked softly, and I smiled, nodding.

"Of course, Dean. I mean, hell, the fact that you even wanted to do this means a lot to me." And it did. It not only showed how much he cared about me, but how much he was willing to do to help me. "Hell, I can just ask Gabe if he-"

"Gabe?"

"Yeah, the guy at the party. I'm sure he'll-"

"I change my mind. Let's do this," he cut off, pushing away from window so he was a step closer to me. I raised a brow at the sudden change in demeanor.

"Dean, you clearly don't wanna-"

"I'm gonna fuckin' kiss you, Sammy, so get your ass over here before I come get you myself."

I swallowed, trying to ignore the racing of my heart and how my stomach stirred at his words. Was it gay of me to like this side of him? To actually wanna possibly kiss him? "O-okay," I whispered, and slowly walked towards him, blushing madly at his sudden intense gaze. God, Dean, now was really a bad time to be stubborn, I thought bitterly, dropping my eyes to the floor as I came to a stop right in front of him. He was really pushing me here. I was trying to be the good guy- trying to let him out of a situation he clearly didn't want to be in, but if he insisted on doing this then there really was nothing else I can do.

"I uh," Dean cleared his throat, shifting his weight from foot to foot, "I uh, don't know exactly how to do this," he admitted, and I blinked, looking up at him and watching as a sheepish smile came across his lips."I mean, kissing a um, guy and all."

Oh, Dean.

"Your kidding me, right?" I chuckled, smile widening at how his cheeks lit up.

"Uhhh..."

"It's the same as kissing a girl, you dingus." He scowled at me, flicking my forehead.

"How the fuck would I know?"

"Did you really think we'd kiss differently?" I couldn't stop smiling at him right now. He was actually being a little adorable. Blushing as his green eyes tried and failed to glare at me. And it wasn't till I really looked at him, eyes searching his face in the darkness, when I noticed just how attractive Dean really was. I mean, I have eyes. I knew he was a good-looking guy, but right here, right now, in this moment...he was just so-

"Can you stop looking at me like that?" I blinked, coming back to the present to see Dean fidgeting uncomfortably.

"Oh, sorry..."

"And while we're at it, can you close your eyes? This'd be a hell of a lot easier to do if I didn't have your puppy dog eyes staring at me the whole time." I rolled my eyes at him, letting them flutter shut as silence descended upon us again, and just like that, it was tense again. Gods, why were we so nervous? We were just okay a few moments ago! I let out a breath. Alright. Chill, Sammy, chill. It's just a kiss. You've kissed people before. You can do this-

Holy fucking shit. I can't do this.

I gasped, Dean's lips moving softly against mine, quivering ever so slightly in a way that told me that despite the way he seemed on the outside, he was just as nervous as I was on the inside. And for a moment, I couldn't move. I couldn't breath. I just let his lips dance against mine, trying to focus on what I felt rather than what I wanted, and you wanna know what I felt?

I felt amazing.

My lips twitched underneath his and without warning, I started to kiss him back, feeling his lips still under mine for a second before hesitantly starting up again. And yeah, it was a little weird, knowing that I was kissing my best friend, my straight best friend, but it was also....really nice. It helped that Dean's lips were petal soft, and that the scruff on his face scraped mine every so often, burning my skin in a way that set my blood on fire.

My throat rumbled, hands itching to touch, and I was just about to grab onto him when I felt his lips pull away from mine and my eyes flashed open.

"Did you seriously just moan?" Dean chuckled, an amused and slightly cocky expression on his face, and my face flamed, my entire body jumping back and away from his. Did I? Was that what that was? I blushed even harder.

"S-shut up. I did not." He looked at me skeptically. "And anyway, I know my answer now."

His smile fell. "Oh?"

I nodded, tucking my hands into the pocket of my jeans. "Dean...I'm gay."

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Remember  earlier when Sam said Dean was stubborn? Yeah, that's a total hint for you guys.

-Cooki