I'm Not Gay

I'm Gay (Alternate Ending)

(If Sam wasn't able to convince Dean to stay, would things have ended differently?)

I'm Gay.

'Is this really what you want?'

I frowned, eyeing my appearance in the mirror. If I was being honest, I knew that I looked like shit. My hair was a mess, I had bags under my eyes, and my clothes were wrinkled from being on the floor for the past few weeks. If you were to look up the definition of a hot mess, my picture would be right there beside it.

Why was I even bothering?

I bit my lip, tugging nervously at my jacket again as I walked over to my bedroom door, one hand on the edge of my jacket and the other on the knob. Why couldn't I just turn it? I thought in frustration, fingers twitching around the metal. It's not like any of this mattered. It was just a formality right?

So why was I so nervous?

"Is he making you leave?"

"What?"

"Is he making you leave?" I repeated and Dean frowned, staring out at the horizon.

"No, Sam. He isn't."

"Is that the truth?"

'I just said it was, didn't I?'

'Yeah, but it doesn't mean it's true. I know you, Dean. I know you better than I know anyone else in the entire world, and running off with your Dad has never been a dream of yours.'

'Well, it is now,' Dean snorted, his eyes flickering away from me to stare up at the sky instead. 'I hate to break it to you, Sammy, but this time you got it wrong.'

'You're lying.'

'I think you wish I was,' he said softly, and I flinched.

I squeezed my eyes shut, letting my hand drop from the knob to touch the amulet hanging around my neck instead. I did wish you were, I thought mournfully, because it wasn't supposed to turn out that way. You weren't supposed to leave.

'But you hate your dad.'

'I think it'll be a great bonding experience.'

'And what about your mom?'

Dean raised a brow, tucking his hands inside the pockets of his leather jacket. 'She's a big girl. I think she can handle it, Sam.'

I dropped my gaze, not wanting to ask him this next question but knowing that I had to ask it anyway. 'And what about me?'

"This is stupid," I murmured, shaking my head as I took a step back from my door. I shouldn't even go. He wouldn't want me there. I don't know why I thought...

"Sam? What's taking you so long?" My mom called, and I wanted to answer. I really did, but it was like that day just kept coming back to me and I couldn't focus on anything else but that.

'What about you?' Dean frowned, his eyes flickering over to mine. 'I wanted to tell you. I tried to tell you, Sam, but you seemed a little too busy trying to get rid of me at that party so...I figured, what the hell? He'll be fine."

'It wasn't...I didn't mean for you to-'

'Well, it doesn't matter,' He shrugged, cutting me off and glancing around us again, 'I'm leaving with John. I think it'll be good for me, you know? I need some time to think things over.'

'Like?'

'Just things, Sammy. Things I can't think about when I'm here.'

I clutched the amulet tight in my hand. Gods, why didn't I just tell him? Castiel told me Dean cared about me, he promised me that he did, so why didn't I tell Dean? Maybe if I had come clean, Dean would've stayed. Maybe he wouldn't have disappeared on a two month long trip with his dad and left me behind.