I'm Not Gay

I'm Not Gay. I Just Love A Boy.

I'm Not Gay. I Just Love A Boy. (Sam/Dean)

"What do you mean he's not here?" I frowned, huddled under the hood of my jacket as I stood right outside Dean's house. I had ran all the way over here after I told Gabe I couldn't be with him anymore, and now Mary was telling me that her son wasn't home? "But his car-"

"Did Dean not tell you?" She frowned back and I tilted my head at her in confusion. She bit her lip. "Sam...Dean's leaving," She said softly, and my heart stopped. What? leaving? Where? Why? "I don't know why either," she said, as if she could see the questions on my face. "He just walked up to me after he came home today and said he was leaving. I...I'm sorry, Sam. I thought he told you."

"No...he didn't." And that's what scared me. Why didn't Cas tell me this? Why didn't Dean tell me this? He was literally right there, so why didn't he? Was this a split second decision? Was it because of how I acted earlier? Was this all my fault? "Is it uh, is it fine if I wait out here for him?" I asked quietly and when she nodded, I took a seat on the front steps, letting my hood fall down so the water hit my face.

This was all my fault, wasn't it? I thought bitterly, shaking my head at myself. If I hadn't of pushed Dean away...if I had just be honest with him from the start, would I still be sitting out here, letting the rain drench me from head to toe, wondering if I should be planning a goodbye speech? I squeezed my eyes shut.

Please don't leave me, Dean...not like this.

-

You should tell him.

I shook my head, shoving my hands into my jacket pockets so my dad wouldn't see them when he got here. Why would I tell him? I doubt Sam would want to hear about this- about how I'm leaving my mom to go and live with John, the guy who chose his job over his family. It was stupid, it was reckless, and I'm sure Sam would tell me that I was making a big mistake by leaving.

But it didn't feel like one to me.

No, staying would be a mistake. Pretending to be okay when I'm really not, would be a mistake. And as much as I wanted to go running to Sam and tell him this, I know I would only be grasping at straws here, trying to get his attention with anything that I can.

Because I missed him.

I missed waking up in the mornings to go and pick him up. I missed sitting next to him in class, cracking jokes when we're supposed to be listening to the lecture. I missed seeing Sam smile at me like I was the most important thing in the world.

I missed everything, because now I had nothing.

Gabe had it all. Gabe was the one who got to pick Sam up. He was the one who got to sit next to him in class and make Sammy laugh. He was the one who got to see that rare Sam smile, while I sat back and watched it all- watched what could've been.

I cleared my throat, glancing over at the clock in the diner right above the doorway. I was doing us both a good thing here, I told myself. Sam wouldn't have to go out of his way to avoid me anymore, because I wouldn't be here anymore.

You shouldn't give up like this, Dean. I'm sure if you told Sam-

He won't even look at me, Cas! What do you think that means, huh? He doesn't need me anymore!

He needs you more than you know.

Then why does he seem so happy without me?

That's the key word here, Dean. Seem.

Yeah right, I thought bitterly, staring down at the table in front of me. Sam wasn't pretending. He literally looked sick when he saw me, like just looking at me made him unhappy. He didn't need me anymore. He had Gabe now, and Castiel was only making it worse by giving me false hope.

The front door bell rang and I looked up, immediately forcing on a small smile as I saw John come through the doors, his eyes locking onto mine. "Dean," he nodded in greeting and I nodded back, gesturing to the seat in front of me.

"Thanks for coming, Dad. I uh, have a favor to ask you." And it involves trying to forget about the boy I fell in love with.

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The story is nearing the end, can you guys feel it?

Also this chapter is dedicated to spn_impala67_. It makes me happy knowing that someone really enjoys my stories, and your comment in the last chapter encouraged me to go ahead and write this one (:

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