beita
/bay-ee-tah/
he didn't look at her anymore. not even after what he did for her. understandable, but confusing. he smiled less too, and when he did, his eyes were dull, his body was limp and brittle, his innocent mouth curling up in a mirthless smile of nothingness, his hands rested on his lap, nails digging into the thick material of his jeans.
he didn't look okay, and for once she wanted to help. even though he never did anyone else, just acted happy for everyone.
sad, she knew. but it was true, and no matter how beautiful he was, she had to stop thinking about him. even if it took her mom's last cigarette, and half a bottle of whatever she could get her hands on in the cabinet downstairs.
she didn't actually take her mom's last cig, but she did pop two pieces of her favorite gum into her mouth, after too few swigs out of her mother's precious whiskey. the gum was cinnamon, burning the back of her throat and making her mouth hotter. she loved it. loved the burn it gave her and the smell she let drape around her, it gave her comfort and a sense of safety.
and it also gave her courage. courage to walk up to his table and ask if he was alright.
okay, maybe not that much courage, but enough to brush past him in the hallway and slip a note into the pocket of his jeans. the note only asked if he was okay, and to smile once during his third period to prove he was.
third period came and went, no smile from him. she looked down, crushed. what happened, and why in the hell did she feel crushed? because she cared for him. a lot.
stupid little girl, with a candy heart that was always slightly sour. she was the school's outcast, and instead of being proud that she was ignored and not bullied, she hated it. she hated it with a bitter passion that burned in her heart and rested its selfish head in the back of her throat.
she wanted to be loved, noticed, anything by anything. but what if she just kept trying until she was a frame of nothing, just like her parents and their parents, a messed up family tree with only one living leaf left.
