drawn - h.s.

iv.

[ellie’s pov]

I was drawing him. Letting the soft pencil run over the smooth paper creating the perfect shape - identical to his. I was drawing him. How the upper lip was the slightest bit darker than the bottom one. I let the pencil move with elegance, experience - I didn’t even have to look at the picture I knew exactly how the lines should be, where they should meet, how they should turn - to create his most perfect features. Harry, Harry, Harry.

With a shriek I woke in the middle of the night. I stared out into the darkness of the room. My heart pumping frantically. Painfully almost. It had been a nightmare. It had only been a nightmare, my eyes travelled to the digital clock at the wall. The neon green digits told me it was 3.04 am - and he was still on my mind. I fell back onto the mattress, as I tried steadying my hectic breathing. I listened to the silent of the house - only my heartbeat was audible. Only the rush from the adrenaline running in my veins, how his laughter would fill the room - which I could almost hear. But he wasn’t here. And he shouldn’t be either.

[harry’s pov]

I rolled over in the bed finally giving up on trying to sleep. It was impossible. Instead I laid on my back, with my hand behind my head and stared up at the ceiling of my old bedroom. I felt too numb from the jetlag to think about anything remotely close to ‘oh wow - your life has changed’ - instead I just lay there and studied this one crack in the painting, which I noticed had grown a little since last time. Not much - but just enough to tell me how time had passed by since my last visit.

Time. What time was it anyway? With a sigh of despondent over the jetlag, I searched with my hand in the dark till I finally got hold of the charging wire. Fishing up the phone from the mess of thick pillows I easily swept my finger over the screen to unlock the iPhone.

The new background I had changed to just hours before was making me smile - a picture of me, mum and Gemma. The familiar white digits told me it was 2.56 pm. Christ. There was no way I was going to spend the entire day tomorrow sleeping, when I had the chance of finally spending some time with my family. Maybe mum had some sleeping pills in that cabinet in the bathroom? I wasn’t much for taking sleeping drugs - but I really wanted to stay awake tomorrow. Stay home. Home.

Suddenly I felt that restless feeling inside of me again - the same as from the plane. I had to be somewhere else. Something was missing. Chills ran down my spin and the hair rose on my skin here in the dark, as only the light from the screen illuminated me. But I was home.

Trying to shake the feeling off of me I went onto twitter - to get my mind of things. Pictures from the premiere of This Is Us was roaming the site - along with all the comments. There were so many it became overwhelming. Especially here in the dark with jetlag haunting my body.

Every muscle in my body, every fiber was dead exhausted. My mind too - I exited the app and threw the phone onto the duvet. But it was still there. That feeling. Restlessness. Almost too much - I craved something, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. It was like … when you’re hungry for something but you simply can’t decide what to choose. You don’t feel like any of the options in front of you are the right thing.

Perfect. Just what I needed, while trying to sleep. Jesus fucking Christ. What the hell was it I wanted so badly? I couldn’t lay still any longer.

I got up and pushed the duvet off of me. Only in boxers I crossed the room feeling the rug against my bare feet. Slowly I opened the door making sure not to make too much noise. It was completely silent in the dark hall, which I knew so perfectly well.  

Shortly after I flickered the lights on in the small bathroom - the sight made me smile. No matter how big and wonderful the hotel’s bathrooms were they could never make me truly smile. They didn’t held the memories of the time Gemma and I filled balloons with water in the bathtub, they didn’t remind me of the time I locked myself in here so Gemma couldn’t get the bath she so desperately wanted after I had attacked her with popcorns in the cinema.

As I opened the cabinet my eyes searched through the labels of the bottles. Aspirins,  medication for allergic reactions.

It had been a long time since I had been in that cinema. I led a hand through my hair as a new wave of that craving feeling washed in over me. I held onto my neck, as I searched faster with my tired eyes.

“Come on,” I whispered. My eyes flickered to the mirror for a second. Showing the image of a - a man. With curly hair, jade green eyes and a sharp jawline. I could just make out the upper part of my shoulders and chest. They were muscular, strong, the tan skin seemed smooth over the muscles.

When had I grown up so fast?

The tattoos that covered my skin telling me stories - reminding me of all those occasions, thoughts, memories.

I sighed and let out a groan, as it wasn’t enough. I wanted something else. What was it!

I wasn’t hungry. Running? No.. maybe. Singing - definitely not. Working? Travelling? Relaxing? Driving? Lo-

Driving. As the word formed in my mind I could imagine it. I could feel my hands gripping the steering wheel, the engine rumbling. How the road would stretch out before me. I could almost see a house at the end. A little one with flowers in the garden - two floors and… This was silly. I shook my head, and finally my eyes rested on the right bottle with the sleeping pills.

I looked at the reflection in the mirror, as I filled the glass with water.

“You’re already home,” I muttered confused to myself before swallowing the pill and heading back to my room. Slowly the craving feeling was replaced by the sleep. And just before everything went black - that cinema came back into my thoughts. I really liked that place. Maybe I could go there tomorr...

And he fell asleep.

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a/n:

So ... why do you think Ellie thought of her dream as a nightmare >:) ? love you loads! Will update again soon :)