Ava

Chapter 4

I woke up with a sudden start, my body flinching as I did. A knot in my neck formed as a loud groan escaped my lips. The dream flitted through my mind and caused a new sensation of pain to flow along with it. Wet tears had streamed down my face and covered my red-tinged cheeks now. I sniffled as I tried to regain my composure. The back of my hand wiped away the salty water and dried my face.

I could hear children laughing and dogs barking outside. I moved to the window in my room after stretching my sore body to see Natalie outside with Clara and Hanna. Hanna's children and my own were playing on the swing set and the dogs were enjoying the playful company of the peppy, blonde teenager.

A small smile etched itself on my face as the image before me slowly drifted to one of sweet remembrance. The people outside soon grew into others from the past. I could see Anna and me playing on the playground with our parents watching. Smiles were imprinted on each of our faces. Happiness swirled in my belly at the beautiful memory, but it was quickly replaced with a large sinking feeling. My heart fell and my stomach churned when the memory faded and I was left with the loss all over again. The people slowly morphed back into the originals, bringing a stinging emotion with them.

I turned away from the window and moved to my bathroom. The large window gave sight to my own image. My black wavy hair had fallen straight and was now in small tangles resting on my back. The dark bags underneath my eyes that I had grown accustomed to seeing were more prominent and my eyes were lined with red. The tip of my nose had gone pink and my skin seemed to be losing its color.

My body moved slowly towards the bathtub and turned the knob. Clear water poured out of the faucet. I stripped out of my clothes and slowly entered the tub. Steam had started to rise from the gathering water in the tub and it hugged me with its fiery presence. I reveled in the sensation of the heat, the water causing my skin to redden. My fingers tightened around the neck of the bottle, the one I had reached for quickly before entering the searing water.

I wrestled with my mind, debating if I should break the wax lid from the alcohol. The memories still stuck to the front of my mind like glue, resulting in the pit in my stomach. I held the bottle tighter, determined to last as long as I could. I wanted to drown myself in the amber liquid until all that was left was a shell. A shell of a black-haired beauty that was once alive with so much feeling.

My eyelids clenched together tightly, drawing me into a world of blackness. The black captured my mind and I was enthralled with the blankness that came with the dark. I delighted in the numb feeling that the black granted me with. My tongue yearned for the taste of the amber liquid still being held in my hand and my throat tightened in eagerness. The scotch accompanied the darkness, the combination a temporary escape from the personal prison I forced myself to stay in. I wished I could drown in the burning sensation that the alcohol provided me with. If I drank enough, I would be whisked away to a beautiful world in the past.

But... the past was the past and my current future was currently playing in the backyard. Their black hair would be glimmering underneath the setting sun and their gorgeous blue eyes would be shining with happiness.

I dropped the bottle from my hands, ridding myself of the beautiful temptation. My heart twisted with guilt at the thought of me burying myself in alcohol instead of spending wonderful and precious minutes with my dear children.

I yanked myself out of the warm water and dried my body of the water that had gathered on my skin. A shiver crawled down my spine as the cool air hit my bare skin. I wrapped a towel around my hair and a silk, pink robe around my body. I ignored the cracked bottle of alcohol and the mirror as I marched myself into my room. Black tights and a gray oversized sweater covered my body, the back of my shirt getting wet from my newly combed black locks.