flowery road || verkwan

i || roses

'the doctor said it is amnesia.'

seokmin nodded slowly, resting a hand on my back in a reassuring manner. as i sat beside him, there was a feeling of hopelessness that filled my chest.

the boy i loved didn't remember me.

when i walked into ward 115, a brown haired boy was sat on the single hospital bed in the room. the green hospital gown he was wearing contrasted against his pale skin, even more so now that he wasn't comatose.

his fingers were busy fidgeting with the intravenous tube at his wrist. i took careful steps to his side and took a seat on the edge of the bed. as he glanced up to look at me, a shy smile crept onto his face. his eyes glittered in a way that made me melt.

it had been 350 days since i had last seen those eyes.

without a word, i wrapped my arms around him to pull him into an embrace. part of me wanted to drown in him there and then. he smelled of antiseptic soap and for once, i didn't mind.

'i missed you so much,' i muttered, pressing my lips against his shoulder.

for the past 350 days, I had been visiting daily. everyday, i would tell myself that he would wake up the next day. at the same time, i made sure i didn't get too hopeful.

watching your loved one unconscious on a bed, not knowing when they would come back, is terrifying. you don't know when the machines might stop beeping. you don't know if they're going to wake up. you don't know anything.

i took my own sweet time, taking in the situation. he was finally awake. it felt like a dream i didn't want to wake up from.

i pulled away from him a little bit later. a shy smile was still upon his lips, his eyes bright, but there was a weird vibe echoing in the room. i knew there was something odd.

3 seconds later, the brown haired boy said something that would crush me in a way nothing else could've.

'do i know you?'

'was there anything said about when his memories would come back?' seokmin asked. i shook my head rigidly, hands tightly clasped together. 'how much does he remember?'

'the doctor said he remembers up until 2012,' i replied. 'nothing else.'

'so he forgot 4 years worth,' seokmin calculated. 'he doesn't remember everything?'

'everything.' seokmin's question was enough to throw me out of my balance. 'he doesn't remember me!'

tears fell from my eyes uncontrollably and i could feel a migraine coming on. if this was any other day, seokmin would make fun of me for being such a cry baby. today, however, he looked at me with pity.

seokmin stuffed a tissue into my hand, but i didn't bother to wipe my eyes with it. i felt oddly numb. more specifically, i didn't know what to do or how i was supposed to feel.

so, i dropped myself into seokmin's arms, crying into his shoulder. he didn't mind. instead, his hand brushed my back to aid me in breathing. i think i cried for quite a while. once i had recollected myself and pulled away from him, i had a rose-red nose and a pink face. there was a wet patch on his t-shirt where i was.

'i'm sorry,' i said, rubbing at my eyes with the crumbling piece of tissue paper. 'you know, about your s-shirt.'

my hand reached out to grab another tissue, only for more tears to roll down my cheeks. all those emotions got the best of me.

'are you kidding me?!' i exclaimed to the world. 'i'm such a cry baby.'

i tried to laugh it off. all that escaped my throat were hoarse breaths of air. i was almost embarrassed by the fiasco.

'kwan-nie,' he started. 'do you want to know something?'

'what?' i asked croakily. out of nowhere, he placed a finger on my forehead.

'the mind may be forgetful,' he explained before moving his finger down to my chest. 'but the heart never forgets.'

it took me a few seconds but that quote, although unnecessarily poetic, was enough to tell me what i had to do next.

i had to make him fall in love with me again.