mechanical | xiuchen

twelve.

Jongdae slid his fingers over both the back and cover of the journal, letting the pages fall open so he could search for his place.

It was extremely windy that day, more than enough to keep him inside without questioning the decision. Minseok, on the other hand, was currently out collecting food for Lu. Jongdae would have offered to accompany him if he didn't get cold so easily.

So instead, he'd decided to look through Luhan's journal some more while the robot was out. After all, there was a possibility of finding more about Minseok when he was a human. Something written right from Luhan's gloomy but genius mind.

He took his time so he could read thoroughly through each page, all of Luhan's feelings spilled out onto the lines in curly letters that made him seem far more innocent than he was.

Oddly enough, it seemed as if he purposely avoided saying anything that happened explicitly. He'd imply things, whether they were big or small, but he'd never come out and say what truly happened. It became aggravating at times.

There were a few more pages Jongdae read through, discussing little details like the ones Luhan had talked about in the videos - breathing and dreaming and blinking. But after after that, Jongdae found himself staring at blank paper, empty lines the only thing keeping him company.

"What?" he muttered, confused. There's nothing about him leaving?

That seemed a little weird. And unfortunately, Luhan didn't date his entries, so Jongdae didn't know if he'd stopped writing in the book a while before he'd left for good, or if he'd neglected to write down his decision.

It just seemed so odd; there was about a quarter of the book left, and it cut off so abruptly. Jongdae started to flip through the empty pages just to make sure, looking for any other note, or just something, even if it wasn't really of any importance.

And just as he was about to give up, he reached a page with writing on it.

The very last page of the entire book.

Interest sparked on his face as he read the first words.

Minseok,

I was told by an old friend recently that maybe it would help me to write to you. I don't really know what's good for me anymore, but I suppose it can't hurt.

His lips dropped open. Something written to Minseok. The human Minseok. Or at least, that's what Jongdae assumed. It made him hopeful; could he actually get some answers out of this? He read on.

I wanted to tell you I'm sorry. For not paying attention, for getting angry at you, for all those horrible things my dad said to you. You deserved better than that, and I was just arrogant enough to think I could give it to you.

I'll never stop loving you. I'll always love you, even if you did get confused sometimes, even if you did fall asleep before the end when we watched movies together, even if you did have a habit of holding my hand so tight when you were scared that I thought it would go numb. Even if you're gone now.

I still can't believe I ruined everything. And all because I was scared to leave.

I can never apologize enough. Never. I should've realized that the only place I could ever belong was with you, but I didn't. I messed up.