The Final Countdown

10

      Why did they do this to me? Everyone says they're my anchor, holding me so I don't float away. What they actually do is completely different. Sure, they're anchors, but they hold me in one place and slowly drag me down. Why is it me? If I hadn't have told them about my girlfriend, maybe this wouldn't have happened. The things they say behind my back. "She's so screwed up." I get tired of it.
     Depression built slowly, like a wall or a pyramid, heavy blocks moved up, stuck together, and made immovable. Hiding it is harder than trying to get through. Having to go out everyday, pretending to be happy, fine, okay. It's exhausting. Why can't I find a way to break the wall? Why does everything anyone else does, force me farther away?
     I've wished I could actually be happy, but anytime I try, my smile looks like a grimace and my laugh sounds like a scream.
     Everyone thinks that they're helping, but why can't I agree?
     A friend might help, if I had any. Everyone at school cringes away from me, like I'm an insect, a germ. Even my girlfriend has started drifting away. We see each other less, talk to each other rarely. Have I become not good enough? We're in a relationship, which means she should be there, to support me and help me. But instead, she's leaving me alone, giving me more space. But I want her here. I need her here.