I Can Live Without Love, Can't I?- Sequel To The Outsiders and the Bad Girl

Tell Me What Your Hiding

Ryder's POV

It's been two weeks and we haven't killed ourselves yet. I'm sure some of us thought it, but didn't do it. I went out for the day, to feel the cool breeze and take things off my mind. I knew what something were that made me happy, being around the gang, remembering fun times I had with them and still am. I was just, lonely sometimes. I was at the park with Johnny today, just at the lot and we talked.

I was happy to have a friend like Johnny who understood me and I understood him. But now that Pony's gone, he talks less and is around the guys less too. He's always out doing something and the other day when to the Curtis house, no one said a word to me, other then Dallas and that was surprising.

Johnny and I sat at the lot side by side, like we always do, even when Pony and I dated, and we talked for what seemed like forever. We sat under the tree on those car seats or what ever you wanna call them. Talking to him was easy, but talking to someone like Steve or Two would be a little harder since they don't take things seriously.

"So where've you been when you haven't been around us?" I asked. He shrugged his shoulders and looked at the ground.

"No where really. Sitting here or at my place doing nothing but getting yelled at." He told me.

"Why do you stay at your place when all they do is beat or yell at you?" I asked. He still shrugged his shoulders and looked at the ground. I just sat there and looked up at the sky. Why does things have to be so different, why did I have to ruin it all. I understand Pony told me to be happy, but its hard when he isn't here and he died a couple days after his birthday, why? Why did I let this happen? How could I let this happen? Why didn't I keep him next to me on the ground, why did I let him stand up and look around? This is my fault and I should've done something to change it. I should've been the one who got shot and not him. Why me, why us, why him?

"Ry?!" I heard. I got out of my thoughts and looked at him.

"What!" I yelled. He sank into his seat and looked at the ground. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to. I was thinking and got myself worked up, is all. I'm sorry, Johnnycake." I said side hugging him.

"What were you thinking about?"

"How this whole mess was my fault. He died because of me, I was the one who brought my parents here and that this was just my fault. Why didn't I help him, why didn't I stop him. I blame myself for all of this, them loosing their brother, them loosing their bestfriend and you lost someone very close to you and I caused the reason as to why he left." I said hitting my head off the back of the chair.

"This isn't you fault." He said and then his voice raised a little each word he spoke until he was almost yelling at me and I didn't mind it all because I was use to it and I deserved it for causing this whole mess. "Stop blaming yourself  Ry! This wasn't your fault, mine, Pony's or anyone's. It was your parents faults. So stop saying this was all your fault because its not. Its not, not your fault." He said almost in tears now. There was only one thing I could do, but I wasn't sure about it.

"You're wrong, Johnny. About all of it." I said quietly looking at the ground. He was standing in front of me, he was mad and almost in tears like I said before.

"Stop that! I had enough of you saying this your fault. I also know that you're hiding something and I want to know what it is." He told me.

"I don't know what the thing is that I am hiding, I really don't" I plainly said. I honestly had no clue what he was talking about. I was hiding before that it was all my fault, but I let it all out and told him.

"Don't give me this shit!" He said flailing his hands in the air, walking around in a circle just yelling at me."You were hiding something and it must be awful if you won't tell us! You can't even tell me!"