Innocent Dangers

Part 39. (Jackson)

Part 39 : Europe. 

*. August 1st .*

    "I'm sorry I'm not gonna be here for your birthday." Taylor Jean said to me as we set things in small brown boxes. 

     "It's alright."

     After graduation, things kind of went back to normal. Danny stayed over a couple times, which confused me if they were together or not, and so did I, but we weren't together. It's nice having her back in my life. But she was currently packing. College? No, more like the beginning of her gap year before college starts. I don't think she's ready for college yet. She needed a bit of time to do stuff on her own. No one was coming with her. It frightened me to have her alone and it scared her as well.

    "I can't believe I'm actually doing this." She smiled as she stared at her almost empty room. She threw out a lot of her stuff that wasn't useful to her and packed only the important things.

    "I can't believe you're leaving." I told her.

    "I actually wanted to ask you something." She said quietly. I look up as she stood on the other side of the bed with a box in front of her. She look up and tucked her hair behind her ear. "I was gonna ask you.. Did you want to come with me?"

    "I-"

   "Wait, no, don't answer that. That's such a stupid thing to ask. Of course you don't." She said before packing things more in the box and grabbing a new one once it filled up.

    "I would, Taylor Jean." I said. "But I have to start getting things back to normal again. I have to start working again somewhere else and I think this is your time to do you." I explained. "And I don't think Danny wouldn't like it if I came with you."

     "Yeah."

     "Are you guys like official?" I asked her quietly.

     "I don't know." She shrugged. "We've been on and off lately and it's really hard since he lives in a different country." Danny left last week to head back to Oregon. "I don't think it'll work out."

     "Oh."

     "Yeah."

   I hated the small talk we had now. It was difficult to keep up with her emotions all the time. Sometimes, she'd answer with one words answers that would keep me in the dark or she'd answer a whole essay worth monologue that didn't make any sense to what I asked her. Things have never been harder and more confusing with us. 

   "I have a lot of crap." She laughed as we stared at about 10 boxes of stuff and half her clothes weren't packed away either.

    "Not compared to other people."

    "Maybe, I should give away some of my clothes." She said. I shrugged. "I like clothes though."

    "You can always buy more." I suggested.

    "Jackson?" She said. I looked up at her and she laughed. "I remember taking this. I didn't know if you wanted it or not." She handed me a picture. It was of us. I remember taking it too. But I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to keep this. Once she leaves, I'm gonna try to forget her because there was no right in trying to remember her when she wasn't gonna come back. "Have you heard of Athazagoraphobia?"

    "No."

    "It's the fear of forgetting, being forgotten or ignored, or being replaced." She explained as she folded some clothes. "I'm wondering if I've developed a big case of it. I'm really scared to come back and have everything changed."

     "Nothing's gonna be different." I told her. "And I don't think you'll be coming back."

     "Why do you think that?" She asked.

    "Love, we're packing ALL your things." I mentioned. "We could've just packed some things to keep you living for the year. And plus, you'll see all the new places in Europe. You'll possibly fall in love with the city and never want to leave." I stopped. "Or you'll meet someone."

     "I doubt that." She laughed.

    "I don't." She stopped her laughter. "You’re always going to mean something to me. I'm not gonna forget you, even if you decide to stay."

     "I'm scared to be alone."

     I walked to her and pulled my arms around her. Her petite arms wrapped around my torso as she laid her head on my chest. She was still so small and fragile and I was contemplating why I shouldn't go with her. We would possibly fall in love again.

     "I’m so tired all the time. I just want to lie in my bed and listen to sad music." She said.

     "Me too." I said. "But just remember. Certain darkness is needed to see the stars."

     "Um, can you stay tonight? I really can't think of leaving you again." She asked quietly. I nodded and kissed her forehead. She lifted her head and spoke. "Push me against the wall and kiss the hell out of me."

      I put my lips to hers and all the feelings came back. Everything I've felt for her has come into that one kiss. I haven't kissed her in a long time and I always wished to kiss her again. And there we were. Kissing in her bedroom as she waits to leave for Europe for a whole year. 

 *. August 2nd .*

     "I don't think I can do this." She said as we stand in the middle of the airport. 

     There she stood. With her hair pulled up in a bun with bright red lipstick on. She had a black dress with cutouts and black tights with black shoes. The only thing black was her khaki green jacket, even her jewelry was black. 

      "Don't be. You'll be fine." I told her.

     "Jackson, I love you." She said. It was the first time she said since her graduation. It was nice hearing it again. 

      "I love you."

      "Still?"

      "I will always love you." I said. I kissed her forehead and held onto her. "Taylor Jean?"

      "Yeah?" She said. 

      "Never mind."

      I wrote a letter for Taylor Jean. It was in one of her boxes of stuff. I hope she wouldn't find it, now that I think about it. I don't really want her to read it anymore because I knew it'll make her sad and that's the last thing I need her to be while she's alone in Europe.

      "Goodbye."

      "Goodbye."