Innocent Dangers

Epilogue. (Jackson)

Epilogue 

*. July 4th, 2017 .*

    "Honey, where are the kids?" I asked as I walked into the house from outside as I grilled some steak. I shut the door as Buddy, our black lab, ran towards me.

     "They went to go get the mail for me. My feet have been killing me lately." She told me as she held her back. The large baby bump made me smile. It was almost due, about two more months until our third kid is born. 

     "Do you want me to get the foot massager?"

     "No, darling. Go ahead and cook. I'll be fine." She smiled as she rubbed my face. I kissed her lips and went back out in the backyard back to the grill. It was a quiet night but the kids were going bonkers over the fireworks that were going to happen any minute.

     The meat was placed on a glass plate and I quickly turned off the grill. I headed into the house where the kids were back. Katie was getting the kids in their seats as they try to settle down their excitement.

     "Daddy, you have some mail." Our first daughter, Jackie, said. I kissed her head and thanked her as she pointed me to the kitchen. I grabbed the pile of about five envelopes before taking my seat in front of Jackie and next to Katie who was in front of Joey. 

    I looked at the first envelope and it was junk. I put it down. The second one was the bill for Netflix. The third one was a letter from my work. The fourth one was another bill receipt. The last one was a letter. I looked at it for a second. It was addressed to me but I couldn't really see who sent it. 

    Suddenly, my body goes in shock. My eyes start to water and I start to shake. 

    "Honey, are you alright?" Katie asked worried.

    "Daddy, why are you crying?"

    "Um, I'll be right back." I got up from my seat after being excused from the table. I stumbled as if I were drunk towards my bedroom. I shut the door and sat on the bed. I quickly opened the letter and my hands shake and my eyes water where I can't see it. But when I regain my eyesight, I start my read. 

Dear Jackson,

   It’s been a while since we’ve talked. I miss you and I miss us. It’s always been you, Jackson. Personally, I wanted you all along. It was always hard with you but it was so natural. Everything we did together. The first time we met. You were never supposed to mean this much to me; I was never supposed to fall so hard. But you know what? I did and that's the truth, that's what keeps me holding on because it hurts like hell to let you go. When you left, for real, it was really hard. I remember the last time seeing you was when you helped me pack my things for my trip for Europe. It’s really good. I’ve been to all the places I’ve always wanted to go. I wish you could’ve come. Did I tell you the plan that I had? I first started in Italy and saw The Colosseum and then The Leaning Tower of Pisa. I left Italy to Moscow and saw Saint Basil’s Cathedral. I saw Brandenburg Gate in Germany. It’s been really difficult trying to understand these people but I’ve taken pictures with all the people that helped and some of the rubbish ones that didn’t. I was currently in France right now. I saw the Eiffel Tower and The Arc De Triomphe. It’s so beautiful here. At this exact moment, I think I’m in a pub. I’m not quite sure. Where are you, Jackson? Are you working? Are you still in London? If you are not, you should come find me. The people are amazing. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them. I think the people would really like you. You're interesting and different and I like that.  I think I just told the guy in front of me something I think I’ve told you before. Tell me something sweet to get me by. He replied with ‘You’re drunk.’ He’s whack, that’s what he is. It seems like my words sound better coming from my hands than my mouth. Can you come and hold my hand? I want to hold your hand, but you are the sun and I am the moon and we will never collide. Or just look at me? When you look at me and smile it's like for a split second everything stops and your smile pierces through all of the bad in my life and all is well again. I’m starting to get bad again. I stay home alone, listen to music and think too much. So much music, too little time. But I like being alone. There is something beautiful about laughing out loud when there is no one there to hear it. You taught me something I’ll never forget. People do not care about you as much as you think they do. I was always racked up about everyone’s’ opinions. But I always wonder, I wonder how other people see me. Maybe we should get drunk and tell each other everything we're too afraid to say sober. I was always afraid to say things to you because I never knew what you would say back. Have you cried lately? Sometimes you just need a good cry, even if you don't know the reason why you're crying. There was something I wanted to tell you. I still feel you right by me. I don’t know why but I just do. It still feels like we’re together. I can't wait for the days where we can walk around our apartment in just our underwear and stay in bed all day if we want. We'll shower together every morning and make cute dinners and watch movies. Then, at the end of the day, we can fall asleep in each others arms knowing we'll still be next to each other when we wake up in the morning. It will be perfect. But I need you here to do it. If you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves, like my dad. Did you know every year, unknowingly, we pass the anniversary of our future death? I’ve tried to forget you ever since we said goodbye for good. My dad always told me to forget the ones that forgot you. But I hope you haven’t forgotten me. It's hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember. You gave me so much to remember. But I have a big hug waiting for you anytime you need on. Why’d you ever fall in love me? I still love you and I don’t think you still love me. But it’s okay. It’s okay, I wouldn't fall in love with me either. I’m still currently stumbling around the pub, alone and desperate. So basically, I have no fucking idea what to do with my life.

Love, Taylor Jean

P.S.

   I decided to not write a complete new letter when this one told you everything in my mind. I was really drunk back when I wrote this. I believe it was almost three years ago. It’s strange since I barely could take a drink of alcohol when we were younger. I’m really sorry I said all that and I’m really sorry I’m sending this letter to you. Personally, I might just keep it in my house and read it when I’m sad. Well, I decided to finish this letter and give you the details of my life. Basically, it’s all good. I decided to stay in Paris. I actually decided this two years ago. I'm actually married and I have a daughter. Danny and I got married. I’m sorry things with you and I didn’t work out. I hope you are happy and I hope you found someone that makes you happy and I hope you have kids and a family that you can teach boxing to. I hope you still love me because I still love you. 

*. August 14th, 2020 .*

    Walking along the street with the Eiffel Tower in my view, shocked me. It was so beautiful. It was breath taking. I was currently strolling along by myself.

   Katie and I didn't work out. It was sad but I don't think I loved her as much as I could love someone. She was currently still in London with Joey, Jackie, and Kyle. I felt bad for just leaving but I needed a vacation. I needed to go somewhere I haven't ever been.

     So, I picked Paris.

     I pulled out my phone to take a picture of the long-lasting beauty in front of me. But when I clicked it, someone walked straight in front. 

     "Je suis désolé." 

   There she was. More wrinkles, a little more body weight, yet she was still so beautiful. So beautiful. Her hair was pulled up in a pony tail as she wore clothing like she was still eight teen still. It still looked good on her. 

     "Taylor Jean."

     "Jackson."

     Soon enough we were holding onto each other like time we said goodbye to each other. That was about eight years ago. Eight years. She wasn't much different. Her smile was the same. Her hair was the same. Her clothes. Her voice was the same. 

      "I missed you! How has everything been?" She smiled. 

      "Um," I said. "Things aren't that okay."

      "What happened?"

      "I got divorce." I mentioned.

      "Me too." She laughed a sad laugh. "Do you have kids?"

      "Three." 

      "Wow." She smiled. "Are they with you or?"

      "No, they're with Katie."

      "Katie?" She said. "Is that her?"

      "Yeah."

     "Um, do you wanna get coffee? I know a great place. Best coffee." She smiled. I nodded and there we were.

      Starting over.