So real quick I wanna clear a thing up I sort of have two groups of friends One where I have alllll my friends And one where's it's only four of us I don't have many problems within the alll friends one.
I have problems within the four Person one
I do know that one might be reading this. And you Just know that I'm sorry And I don't know how to talk directly to someone without feeling really weird.
I do know I should confront them about this stuff and not talk behind their back but I can't do that and I can't keep this in
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I've been told that I'm clingy And I believe it. I'm fixing it
But I feel so awful when I see the same person who called me clingy slowly attach themselves to the same person. I feel so terrible when the same person literally reminds whenever I was clinging. What I am doing wrong
I feel super uncomfortable within this group a lot. A LOT. I'm constantly being guilt tripped For having apparently a better art style, to dating, to having cats, to something about panic attacks, to ds. What am I supposed to do. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. I'm constantly reminded of how awful I was. I feel expected to be happy 24/7 I feel like I'm supposed to always help and make people happy. IM NOT A CARETAKER BECAUSE IF I AM ILL ACTUALLY END UP REALLY SUICIDAL im not please don't worry I feel like they're going to leave me. They're going to forget about me. I'm either getting replaced or thrown away
I know I'm not the best date mate ever. I know I'm not the best friend ever. I know I'm not the best human ever.
But I'm trying.
And I know that I seek attention a lot from specific people from time to time. Maybe because I don't know, I'm lovesick? I actually really want to talk with them? I surprisingly care and want to be very close to them? I'm skin hungry? I'm *gasp* HUMAN.
I'm in constant need of a reminder that these people still care about me. I know it's not healthy but I feel just so terrible I feel so uncomfortable I feel like they don't care sometimes
And I try to express and share things but feel both uncomfortable and pushed aside for other things. I have so many ideas I want to share But can't. I made a whole Halloween au with them. Ill post it in a happier chapter.
This has been my stupid message to them. And to the one I know that's reading, I can guess you might want to talk with me. And you might not. Just know that this is how I feel. How i see things. And remember I care about you. A lot.
