Whatever Chains (Sequel to Where Your Heart is - A Harry Styles fanfiction)

Part Eleven: All the things she said.

"Are you going to just sit on that forever?"

Her voice ruptures through the blankness that is my head, pulling me back to the terrace where we have been freezing on for hours now.

The night air is cold but I somehow welcome it. It is only fitting that my body gets as numb as my mind is.

I look up to find her walking back out with another beer popped open. She has been drinking alone since I have decided to cut myself off from all kinds of alcohol beverages until further notice.

"And are you just going to keep drinking like that?" I divert, sneering at her and then jerking my head towards the half a dozen empty bottles spreading across the table.

She laughs shortly but loudly, waving me off and taking a generous gulp.

"Please... this isn't even tickling me. I went to college, brother. I have learned to hold my liquor." She jokes.

"That's an useful degree." I reply, cracking a faint, yet quite honest smile. "God knows I could've used it."

When the jokes about me being an uneducated drinker run out, the silence grows around us and my thoughts begin to wander once more. But she breaks it yet again.

"Seriously!" She sighs, hanging her head back in exasperation. "You're really not going to text her back?"

She doesn't meet my eye. Instead she just stares at my hand, as my finger is rhythmically tapping against my phone without me even noticing it.

"I don't know." I say, shrugging as if that text wasn't the only thing I could think about since I got it a few hours ago. "Maybe."

"And you want to pursue an acting career? With those skills I doubt you'll ever get it." She mocks, chuckling sarcastically.

I try to laugh in response but I barely manage to pull the corners of my mouth into a weak grin.

The truth is that I'm not sure if I want to talk to her right now. The memory of her dismissing me last night, literally treating me like a stranger, is still fresh in my mind; as it is the humiliation and hurt it caused me.

I haven't stopped loving her, or wanting answers; it's just that being in love with her right now makes me feel utterly angry.

Ego it's a powerful beast that dwells even within the most righteous, selfless of people. And since I'm quite far from being a part of that minority, I certainly host one of those.

And she poked it.

*****

I wake up the next day with music blasting from the other side of the door. Annoyed, I jump out bed and rush down the stairs to find my sister lively making breakfast whilst singing and dancing along to a Beyoncé song.

"How can you even stand?" I say, rubbing my eyes and taking a seat on one of the stools by the counter.

The coffee is freshly brewed and I help myself with a big cup, as I start to nibble on a muffin.

"It's a beautiful morning!" She beams whilst still busting a move. "I have a meeting today and I can just feel I'm going to nail it."

I give her a thumbs up of encouragement, telling her that I'm sure she'll do just as great as she feels she will, and after thanking me she just stops her dancing and leans on the counter with her arms crossed in front of her.

"Have you given it any thought?" She asks candidly, trying to make the subject change a little more organic. "You know it's what you need... talk to her, listen to what she has to say. I mean, isn't that what you wanted all along?"

I did think about it. In fact, it kept me awake most of the night and barely half sleeping for the rest of it.

I would keep imagining what it would be like; having her sitting in front of me trying to explain what was going through her mind when she made the decisions she made. I would picture her eyes shifting in every direction but mine and her cheeks turning red whenever she did glance at me, her hands nervously tearing apart a napkin or any other paper that would have the misfortune of being with her reach. I would imagine her voice cracking, stuttering every word she'd say.

And I would imagine myself, silently listening to her without showing any emotion whatsoever. But feeling everything on the inside. Angry, like I did yesterday, frustrated and debased. Sad and understanding.

Everything at once.

I don't remember reaching a conclusion, though. I don't recall making the decision of replying or simply ignoring her.

But apparently I did, because I find myself nodding and pulling my phone away from the back pocket of my pants.

When and where?

I don't think I was meaning to be so blunt, but I am responding to my impulses and I'm not even trying to restrain them. Whatever I feel, I'll act up on it.

If we're going to do this, we are doing it my way for a change. I will call the shots, and she'll dance at my pace.

Gemma walks towards me, sliding her arms across my shoulder and putting a kiss on my temple.

She doesn't say anything but I can tell she's pleased with my decision. And then she's off to that meeting, leaving me alone and patiently waiting for her to reply.

5 pm, my place.

The blocked screen lights up and I don't even have to slide it to read the message. The number still unknown for I haven't even bothered to register it under her name, as though if I still haven't decided it worths the effort.

I'm about to text her back, ready to remind her that I have no idea where she lives, when a second text arrives with her address on it.

Ok. See you then.

I put the phone down, and I look at the clock, counting the hours I have before I'll meet with her. I have a lot of time to kill, and absolutely nothing to do.

So by the time I'm ready to leave and head to her house, I'm all worked up and flooded with adrenaline.

The drive is not that long but it seems endless still; and I can feel my pulse quickening against my wrists with every block I leave behind.

I try not to think about anything other than the traffic lights ahead of me. I try not to expect neither the worst nor the best from today.

I want a clear a mind, and a steady heart.

But then she opens the door.