Silenced (teacherxstudent) (bxb)

Day 2: back to normal

My alarm rang out in my ears and I jolted awake. With a sigh, I pressed it off again and closed by eyes only to have to open them again. I wanted more than anything to go back to sleep right in that moment however every time my eyes closed and the darkness of sleep was in view, I replayed the moment that his face came into my head last night. It was taking over my thoughts and there was no way that I could stop it.

After dragging myself out of bed, I pulled on some clothes, peed, cleaned my teeth and ate some breakfast. I had to pull myself together! It had taken me nearly 3 times the amount of time it usually takes because of all the crazy thoughts running through my mind. I knew that I couldn't act on these thoughts; not only was this completely and entirely wrong, but Mr Salem would never in a million years even think twice about doing anything other than school work with me - one of his students. I didn't even know if he was into men!

That thought in mind, I locked up the house and began my second walk to school. I occupied my mind with revision of anything that I could remember in Spanish and it worked! I managed to get him out of my head until I got to school and then I wrote up some notes before class started.

The first lesson that I had this year was double biology and I couldn't say that it was a bad start. The teacher was cool and made some stupid jokes that pretty much only I laughed at, the lesson was quite easy and the class was good. It made biology more appealing than the previous years and I was intrigued.

After break and assembly came study period where I sat in the library on a computer to write up some revision cards for biology. As it had only been 1 hour and 40 minutes of class so far, I didn't have much to put on cards so my mind drifted.

I questioned why I had thought these things about him... Daniel Salem. He was older than me, way out of my league, probably not attracted to men, probably not single and, most importantly, my teacher. This couldn't be a thing. This couldn't happen. This was illegal!

Ding ding ding!

I hopped up from my seat, logged off my computer and threw my bag over one shoulder. I had English next and I couldn't be happier. I needed to see him. I hoped more than anything that I would see him and realise how stupid I had been. When I saw him, I thought that he wouldn't even glance at me and I would put things into perspective.

With large leaps, I bounded up the stairs to his classroom. First there. Great.

Not.

He saw me the second that the door closed behind me and a small smile crept onto his face. He was sat at his desk with his hair in the usual style, a blue shirt making his eyes seem brighter. He wore an almost shined tie and black blazer over it. He looked goood! "Well if it isn't Matthew Piquart! Come in young sir. How was your summer?"

I got on well with Mr Salem. We took a sort of liking to one another last year when I answered a question right every lesson. He always asked and I always answered. It got to the point at the end of last year where he made a joke about me. It was funny too but I was a bit taken aback. He only made jokes about the popular kids and yet here I was. He knew that I could take it and he took the chance. It's hard to explain but it was clear that this was his sort of way of saying that we could have a laugh together.

"Good sir, but I'm getting right back into the work frame of mind. How was yours?"

"Yeah. Good too. I was lonely though so glad to get myself back here and distracted" he joked.

I chuckled quietly and sat down to start the work. I stared at my page and pretended to think about the question that I had to answer. All my fears had become true in less than a minute. Mr Salem had seemed happy-ish to see me, he had spoken to me, I thought he looked great and was I attracted to him further and most of all, I felt stronger than before about him and wanted him. Badly.

Mr Salem was only young 20s so the age difference wasn't large yet still illegal. I'm soon to be 18 so it wouldn't be legal for a few weeks. He was just attractive to me and nothing would really stop that.

A hand planted itself on my desk and I turned to my right to see that it was connected to Mr Salem. He crouched next to me and we were pretty close to one another. He looked me in the eyes and spoke. "Are you ok Matt? You seem a bit out of it today."

I couldn't speak. He was so close. He was showing his caring side to everyone just because I looked a bit down.

"I... um... I don't know" I stuttered.

"Do you want to wait behind at the end for a minute?" This was not a command. He was asking what I wanted to do and if I wanted to talk to him.

I nodded involuntarily.

He nodded back. "Ok." He stood back up, looked at the time and began the lesson properly.

He was talking about literary techniques and a test. I wasn't really listening. I stared at my page blankly and avoided looking up.

"Ok so next lesson is a test. Bring your books incase you finish early as it will be simple. Have a good day"he finished while people packed up and got ready to leave for lunch.

I shoved my things in my bag. What was I going to say to him? I like you and want to do things with you and be with you. You're driving me mad and I can't get you out of my head? Cause that would go down well.

"Come and sit here Matt" he told me, pointing to a a table opposite the one that he now sat on.

I did as told and sat, facing him, on the table. He looked at me and waited for a minute before standing without a word and locking the door. He then sat back down and looked at me once again. I couldn't make out the look in his eyes.

"Something's really bugging you Matt. I can see it. I'm not going to force anything out of you but I'm here to listen if you want to talk. I locked the door so no one will burst in and hear what you are saying. I will not tell anyone. Strictly between us unless you say otherwise." He blabbered seriously and finished what he was saying with a nod. He waited for anything out of me.

"Yes" I said.

"Yes what?"

"Yes. Something is occupying my mind at the moment. I can't think clearly because it's swirling around constantly. I don't know what to do"

"What is it... that's doing this to you?"

"I... I'm... I'm gay." I didn't realise how I needed to talk about this but I did. I hadn't told anyone before him. I knew as soon as I said it that I had had something to tell him after all and I could keep the other things secret for now at least.

"Oh. Ok. Well I don't see a problem with that. I'm going to tell you something that only a few people know about me and I'm saying in trust that you won't go and tell people... I'm gay too. It's not that big a deal really. Why is it having this effect on you?"